Page 14 of Beautiful Killer

CHAPTER FIVE

Sunny

The bed shifted beside me and I knew Zeke was about to leave even before he leaned in and said close to my ear. “Gotta go.”

I rolled to my back, brushing my hair back from my face. It was still dark outside. I should say nothing, let him go, but the words were out before I could stop them. “You don’t have to.”

His impossibly dark eyes were locked on mine, and they softened, just a fraction. “Yeah . . . I do.”

Okay. Right.

I already knew what this was. Still, his gentle rejection cut deeper than it should. I started twisting the ring on my thumb. A nervous habit. It was my father’s wedding ring, he’d worn it when he was married to my mom, and I never took it off. This was for the best, I knew that, too. I smiled. I wanted him to know I was fine with him leaving, because although it stung a little, I didn’t want anything more from him, either. Relationships, definitely of the romantic kind, weren’t for me, either. Not lasting ones, anyway. But it was . . . nice, having someone else around, someone that didn’t pretend they were something that they weren’t, or pretend that I meant something to them that I didn’t. Someone that didn’t just take but gave as well. Zeke may have taken what he needed from me tonight, but he also gave me what I needed.

He was still close, and I curled my fingers around the side of his neck and stared back. “I’m glad you stopped by tonight.”

His eyes moved over my face, my hair, down to my lips, like he was searching for something, then he made this kind of guff, growly sound. My belly squirmed. God, what was it about this man? I knew literally nothing about him. I didn’t know where he lived, how old he was, where he came from, what he did for a job. Nothing. But I felt this . . . connection to him I couldn’t describe. Maybe it was just loneliness. I’d been on my own for a long time. I don’t know, but I kind of loved that it was me that was giving him whatever it was that he needed.

I sat up impulsively, pressing my lips to his, then looked into his eyes. “And I’m glad I sat by you in that bar.” I slid my fingers into his hair at his nape. “I’m glad it was you.”

“Sunshine,” he said, all husky and deep, so low I barely heard it.

“It’s okay, Zeke. I just wanted to tell you that.” I got the feeling from those shadows I saw in his eyes that he might need that kind of honesty in his life.

His big hand slid up the side of my neck as well, his fingers digging in lightly before he pressed his face to the opposite side, breathing me in, and kissed my temple. “I’m glad, too, darlin’,” he said in that rough Texas drawl.

Then he stood, flashing that amazing full back piece inked into his scarred skin, pulled on his clothes, and shoved his feet in his boots.

He was about to walk out the door. And suddenly, the idea of never seeing him again sent panic through me in a way I wasn’t prepared for. My impulsive side made itself known again and I called his name when he was at my door. He stopped and turned back to me.

“Will I see you again?” I said.

A muscle jumped in his cheek. “This is all I got to give, Sunny.”

“I know.” And I did.

“You okay with that?” His brows were lowered and his voice had dropped, getting impossibly deep.

I smiled. “Yes.”

He stood there for several long seconds, so much moving behind his eyes, so much. My heart was pounding in my chest by the time he finally answered. Well, kind of answered, he dipped his chin before he turned and walked out.

I heard the front door close behind him a minute later.

* * *

“Here you go, sweetheart.” I slid the delicate beaded bracelet on an adorable little girl’s wrist, unable to stop my wide smile when she beamed up at me.

Her mother thanked me and paid. She also had a baby with her, bundled up in a stroller. “I bet you’re a good big sister,” I said to the little girl.

She nodded, her smile getting even brighter. I watched them leave, listening to the little girl chatter to her mother as they went. A pang of something I tried to ignore hit before I could guard against it. Something I’d come to terms with a long time ago, but the pain still managed to sneak up and fire a cheap shot every now and again, when I wasn’t paying attention. When I was little and it was just me and my dad, I used to pray every night for a family. I wanted a mother so bad, a brother or sister. When my father came home one day and said he was getting married again and she had a daughter a little younger than me I’d been so excited.

Unfortunately, my new mother and stepsister didn’t share my excitement. My father was away a lot on business, which meant I spent a lot of time on my own.

I’d loved Cathy and Julia with my whole heart before I’d even met them, and they were . . . indifferent. That never changed.

That turned out to be the story of my life. Indifference. And that included my father. He just wasn’t that interested in what was going on with me when he was home. I’m sure he loved me in his way, but in all my life, I’d never truly . . . felt it. I used to think maybe they’d love me if I was prettier, or funnier, or smarter. Of course, nothing I did made a difference. Even the man I thought I had a future with, the man I thought I’d marry, hadn’t loved me enough to stay. Again, I hadn’t been enough. And it had hurt. A soul deep pain that left a permanent scar.

When my relationship with Richard ended, I’d tried to put myself out there, to meet people, but no one ever stuck.