Page 94 of Swerve (Boosted Hearts 1)

“What was the other part?” he asked, cutting me off.

“Other part?”

“You said in the car, you’ve been doing this case partly to prove to yourself that you could. What was the other part?”

My pulse picked up speed. “It’s what I want to do . . .”

He shook his head. “No more lying.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “I was . . . I didn’t want you to . . .” I held that emotionless gaze that was starting to scare the hell out of me. “I don’t ever want to see you like you were the other night, like you were after you did that job for Tomas. You don’t need any more blood on your hands.”

A flash of something shot through his eyes, then it was gone. “That was different. That man, the one I hurt, in front of his wife, his kid, he didn’t deserve it.”

Oh God.

“The people that planned to hurt you, sell you, I wouldn’t lose sleep over, Ruby. You saw me in a weak moment, but I’m not weak. Yeah, I’ve done a lot of shit in my life, stuff I’m not proud of, to keep my mom safe, to get her off the streets . . . but I did what I had to. She sold herself to put a roof over my head, food in my belly. That was her way of protecting me.”

He stood abruptly.

I tried to take a step toward him, but he shook his head, telling me without words to stay back.

That hurt like hell.

“You’re telling me . . . you put your life on the line, went into an unknown situation, attempted a rescue mission, fought off that fucking guy . . . to protect me?” he asked.

I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry. “Yes,” I choked out.

He drew back his arm and flung the bottle in his hand across the room. It shattered against the brick wall by the kitchen, beer and glass going everywhere.

He was breathing heavily, and his eyes slashed to me. “So what happens now, Ruby? What happens next?”

I held my ground, even as I ached for him, even when I knew he was struggling with so much, with all the stuff he hadn’t dealt with from his childhood, from his time working for Tomas. I knew because he was projecting that onto me. His fear. And I’d given him reason to be afraid tonight. I’d lied and he’d found out in the worst way possible, especially for Neco. Watching me fight, fearing for my life. Now was not a good time to talk about this, but lately there never was a good time.

“Neco . . .”

“I want you to quit,” he growled.

I blinked over at him. “I beg your pardon?”

“I can’t deal with this anymore.”

“You can’t be serious?”

“Deadly.”

“I’m not quitting my job.”

He stared at me and I watched him try to get himself under control. When that obviously didn’t work, he turned away, scooped up his keys, and stormed out, slamming the door behind him hard enough to shake the windows.

I stared after him.

I couldn’t go back to ignoring who I really was, what I wanted, for someone else. And even though I knew the cause of his behavior, knew why he acted the way he did, it made no difference. He wouldn’t bend in this, not now, not after tonight, not even a little bit. I was sick of trying to prove myself, of fighting him for what I wanted. My decisions were hurting him and now his were hurting me.

He’d spent his entire childhood worried for his mom, terrified for her. I couldn’t do that to him now. I couldn’t be the cause of that kind of fear all over again.

I loved him too much for that.

And I loved myself too much stay here while I slowly suffocated, until I resented him for it. I wouldn’t allow the damage my stepmother had caused to creep back. I refused to revert to the insecure little girl I’d been. I’d worked too long and hard to find the real Ruby Styles, the woman inside me that was strong, that knew what she wanted and went after it.