Page 95 of Swerve (Boosted Hearts 1)

The irony was, Neco was the one who helped me find her.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Neco

I lay on my back, breath hissing through my teeth, and lifted barbell again, eyes focused on the ceiling, mind focused inward. All I could see was Ruby. The way she’d run headlong into danger to save Harry. The way she’s fought off that asshole before I could get to her. The way she’d looked at me before I walked out the door. I’d tried so hard to keep my shit together, because I knew if I let my control snap, like I had in that stairwell, there would be no coming back from it. I’d sat there while she looked at me, hair still damp from her shower, glasses slipping down her nose, one of my shirts swamping her small frame, and I just wanted to pull her into my lap and hang on tight, never let her go. Instead, I’d ignored the gale-force impact of my emotions and worked at keeping it together—I’d failed, and then I stormed out.

It had been either that, or tear the fucking apartment down around our ears.

I was systematically fucking things up between us and I didn’t know how to stop it. She had her own mind, her own needs and desires, and the more I tried to squash them, the farther I pushed her away from me. I lifted the barbell, resting it back on the rack, and rubbed my hands over my face.

Ruby could fight.

The way she’d taken down that guy. Fuck. She was good, too. Had exceptional instincts. Was quick, smart. Hell, I knew she’d be an asset to any agency.

Unfortunately, that changed nothing for me. I couldn’t just switch it off. I’d been protecting Ruby, worrying about her for nineteen years. Realizing that she might not need that from me anymore was hard to swallow. I didn’t know why that was; I just knew it to be fact. I needed to be that for her.

Her Superman.

Turned out Ruby had her own red cape.

Didn’t stop the crippling fear of losing her. The fear of seeing her get hurt, of not doing anything to stop it, of not protecting her—of failing her like I had my mom.

I sat up from the bench, rubbed my towel over my face, and stood. Shit, the look on her face when I told her to quit her job, the disbelief, the sadness, it finally hit me that I had zero say in what she did. We were supposed to be partners. As it was now, I was barking orders at her and she’d all but told me to go fuck myself.

Neither of us was willing to bend or compromise, and I didn’t see that changing anytime soon.

“We’ve been looking for you,” Van said from the door, Zeke right behind him.

I lifted an eyebrow, not in the mood to talk.

Van leaned against the wall, arms crossed, studying me. He was quiet for several seconds more, and then straightened from the door. “I called Ruby when you didn’t answer your phone, she sounded upset.”

“I’m not too fucking happy myself,” I growled.

“She’s good, Nec. She could be an asset here.”

I shook my head. “I know she would. That’s not why I’m pissed off. She promised she’d leave this case alone. She lied to me.”

“She handled herself like a pro tonight.”

“You telling me you’d be good watching your woman put herself in that kind of danger? When you know someone could still be after her?”

Van shrugged. “She knows you put yourself at risk every time you go to work. How is that different?”

“You ever loved a woman so fucking much the thought of anything happening to her makes you fucking insane?” I said.

The guy was clueless, hard as hell and cold as ice. Yeah, he would fight to the death for his family, his friends, but when it came to women, he was like I’d been before Ruby. He never allowed his emotions to get involved.

His mouth flattened into a grim line, and something I’d never seen before on his face rearranged his features. He was uncomfortable. Huh.

“Anyway, that isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about,” Van said. “The guy Ruby took down, we got him to talk before the cops picked him up.”

We needed a break with this case badly. “Anything useful?”

“Tomas was right, a woman’s heading the operation, at least the recruitment side of things. Goes by Mom, like you said, which creeps me the fuck out, by the way. He said his boss wants Ruby and isn’t the kind of guy to give up.”

None of it would stand up in court. The guy was coerced. His word against ours. Once Edwards’s lawyers got hold of him, there was no way in hell he’d talk. None of us had actually seen Edwards at the scene. Ruby had, but not a close up look him, and neither had Harry. “So basically, we still have nothing.”