Page 94 of Shifted Desire

“Alright, fine,” I sigh melodramatically. “I’ll be your ‘platonic’ wedding date. Now take me home so we can watch that seahorse show before I pass out from a food coma.”

34

It’s amazing how much calmer I feel after our trip to the vault. You’d think after seeing Samantha get railed by a group of guys, I’d be less secure, but jealousy is a mere whisper compared to my contentment knowing she felt safe to get what she needs and understands that it doesn’t change anything for me.

If I thought I was infatuated with the cagey version of Samantha who kept pulling away whenever she worried she was being too much, that’s nothing compared to my obsession with the Samantha who feels safe being fully herself. It takes everything in me not to call her into my office five times a day to show her how much I like this full version of her.

As weeks go by and Max’s wedding approaches, a mix of impatience and anxious anticipation builds inside me. As does my certainty that revealing our relationship to Shane and Elle is the right call, because we’re acting as if we’re in a serious, committed relationship, even if we haven’t let ourselves call it that yet. Samantha spends the night more times than not at my place, and we keep casually discussing plans for after the wedding.

Minus the impending catastrophe that might happen when we reveal our relationship, everything between us is perfect. Well, almost everything.

I still haven’t figured out how the hell I’m going to navigate full moons with Samantha. It’s been the constant sticking point for my past romantic relationships, and the main reason I’ve gone decades without a serious partner.

I’m terrified of ruining things because of my curse. Vanessa was the only one I let in, let see me for the monster I truly am, and she left me because of it. That was forty years ago, but it feels fresh when I consider the possibility of having Samantha there when I transform.

She’s been incredibly patient and understanding about my avoidance of the subject, but the most recent full moon was brutal. I spent the whole time wanting to claw my skin off because my wolf knew my mate was out there, but not with me when I needed her the most. The amulet Shane made me so many years ago held fast, keeping me from transforming, but the magic felt pushed to its very limits. I’m not sure if it’ll continue to hold as Samantha and I deepen our connection.

The enchantment is on my mind when I volunteer to help Shane and Elle assemble wedding favors on a weekend afternoon that Samantha is in Moonvale visiting her brother. I’ve been offering to help out as much as I can to try to assuage my guilt about being a shitty friend. We’ve also had dinner together a few times, and each time it gets a little harder to lie to them.

Pretending that I’m not deeply in love with their daughter, and haven’t been sneaking around with her for months hurts. I love my friends and don’t want to hurt them, but it’s too late now. Samantha and I have an undeniable connection, and I can only pray they won’t hate me forever for falling for her.

For the first hour or so, our conversation sticks to the subject of Max’s wedding, Shane’s most recent PI gigs, and reminiscing about our old D&D game. It’s so nice to talk to my friends that I consider chickening out and not bringing up the matter of my amulet, but damn Shane and his perceptiveness make that a moot point.

“I’m so happy you’ll be around for the wedding. Max is thrilled to have you there, too.” Shane gives my amulet a thoughtful look, as if he’s calculating something in his head. “Though…the wedding is right after the full moon, which I know isn’t great timing for you. If you’re not up to going, everyone will understand.”

“What? No, I’m going.” There’s no fucking way I'm missing it. Not after years of not being around for Shane and his family, and absolutely not when Samantha is depending on me as her date. “Even if I feel like shit, I’ll be there.”

“I was hoping maybe the last attempt I made to boost the enchantment would’ve taken, but it seems like the full moons have been worse for you lately. I’m so sorry, I wish I could do more.”

“It’s not your fault I’ve been fighting my curse for far longer than anyone should. You managed to craft an enchantment usually used as a temporary measure to stop transformation once or twice, last for decades. My body has decided that it’s had enough of being forced to stay in this form.”

“I know… but I still don’t like that you’re having a rough time.”

There’s a moment of silence, and I think we’re going to move on to a safer subject, but Shane clears his throat and continues.

“Have you considered letting yourself shift more regularly, instead of fighting it? There are wards we could put up in your place to keep you, uh, contained for the duration of the full moon. Like the ones you have out at your cabin. It wouldn’t take me more than a day to set them up. If you wanted to give it a try.”

Shane grimaces a little as he braces for my reply, no doubt knowing how much I hate even entertaining the idea of transforming more than is absolutely necessary.

I’ve avoided dealing with my curse for the bulk of my life, but it’s time to face it. Otherwise, I’m going to lose what I’ve built with Samantha. If that happens, it’ll destroy me.

I force down the bile at the thought of not keeping my wolf at bay and letting myself transform again, and give Shane a weak smile. “I’d really appreciate that if you can spare the time.”

He blinks at me, taken aback, but a second later nods rapidly. “Yes! Of course I can. I’m happy to help. Does tomorrow work? Elle has a showcase for her pole students, and I’d rather help you than hang around the house.”

“Tomorrow is perfect.” My stomach does an unpleasant flip as I reply.

As soon as I get back to my place, I’ll need to check every inch for evidence that Samantha has been there. The last thing I need is for Shane to discover our secret while he’s over setting up the wards.

Elle rejoins us in the living room, having stepped out to take a call from one of her clients who is having a mild crisis. “What’d I miss?”

“Nathan’s finally letting me come visit his new place tomorrow,” Shane jokes, and I laugh along with him even as I realize that I’ve been a shitty friend not inviting them over.

“I would’ve had you over sooner, but I’ve been busy with work and…”

Shane shakes his head. “It’s totally fine! I figured it’d take you a while to adjust after you moved. We’ll have plenty of opportunities to spend time together in the future.”

“Yeah.” I really hope so, but I can’t be too confident because they might never talk to me again when the truth comes to light.