Page 95 of Shifted Desire

“That’ll be fun! Make sure to snoop and find out as much as you can about Nathan’s secret girlfriend while you’re there.”

I choke at Elle’s words and she laughs in delight.

“Told you,” she says to her husband, giving me a wink.

“I knew there was something going on!” Shane claps me on the shoulder with delight. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

I scramble to find a decent excuse as panic floods my system. “I, uh, well, it’s new, and…”

Fuck, what do I say? Elle is an empath, so she knows how much I’m freaking out right now. She’ll know if I’m lying.

I sigh and run a hand over my hair. The only option I have is to go with a partial truth. “I’m scared of messing it up.”

Shane frowns, brow crinkling in concern. “Why do you think you’ll mess it up?”

I snort. “Uh, you’ve seen my track record. I don’t date. And when I do, it doesn’t end well. The last person I had a serious relationship with was Vanessa, and you know how that turned out.”

Shane’s mouth falls open. “Nathan, that was back in your twenties… you both were young and she was immature. You… You’ve been avoiding relationships because of one bad breakup?”

Gods, when he puts it that way, I sound pathetic. “It was a very bad breakup,” I say weakly.

“I’m not judging!” Shane says apologetically. “I know how hard it was. I just feel like a terrible friend for taking this long to understand how much it affected you. I assumed you didn’t want to shift because of stuff with your family.”

“That’s definitely part of it, too,” I sigh. “You’re not terrible. I’m an emotionally constipated mess and have been too busy trying to meet my family’s expectations that I never let myself work through things… and now…”

“Now you’re interested in something serious, but you don’t know how to make it work,” Elle finishes gently.

“Vanessa was terrified of me after… I can’t handle someone agreeing to be with me while I’m transformed and losing control… I thought…” A lump of shame clogs my throat. “I thought it was okay.”

My memories aren’t fully clear, but I still felt present and not too wild. But she hated it and resented me, told me I was too much, said I’d hurt her.

"I can’t do that again,” I murmur, thinking of the night right before I moved and how I tried, and had been so terrified I ran to the other side of the country.

Elle gives me a moment, then speaks, her voice gentle. “I’ve had some werewolf clients who have sex with their partners when they’re transformed. It’s not inherently dangerous.”

I let out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, well, maybe I’m a particularly out of control one. Wouldn’t shock me, given how much my father berated me after I first got the curse.”

“Your father is a piece of shit,” Shane grumbles.

Elle nods. “I doubt it’s a matter of control. It sounds like you and Vanessa weren’t compatible and she was looking for an easy excuse to get out of the relationship. Even if it was because you were too feral, there are ways to help with that. Enchantments that can help you retain more mental clarity when you transform, or that allow your partner to maintain control. A lot of paranormals with breeding instincts use the latter as a safety measure to make sure their partners are always consenting when they engage in more primal sexual activities.”

Shane watches his wife, adoration clear on his face. “I could make a new enchanted item for you that could be keyed to your partner’s commands…” His cheeks flush a bit. “I’ve made something similar before, and it won’t let them do anything you don’t consent to, but it also won’t let you do anything to them without their permission.”

“Shit, I feel stupid for not bringing this up sooner,” I say with a huff of laughter, relieved. Also pissed at myself for wasting so much of my life when this was an option the whole time and I didn’t know because I never let myself be open.

Elle smiles. “You’re not stupid. Trauma affects all of us differently. I’m glad we’re talking about this now, because I’d hate for you to lose out on being with someone you clearly care deeply for because of an issue that’s fairly simple to solve.”

My stomach twists at her kindness, guilt simmering under my skin that I try to hide by focusing on my love and appreciation for them. “Thank you.”

“I’ll get started on that tonight, but it’ll take a while to make, so I’ll still come by to set up the wards at your place.”

“Please let me pay you for all this work,” I offer, though I know from experience that Shane will refuse.

“Nonsense. I don’t want your money.”

“Are you sure? I have too much of it.”

Elle laughs and shakes her head in solidarity with her husband. “You can pay us back by introducing us to this mystery woman. Why don’t you bring her with you to the wedding?”