Page 53 of Everything She Wanted

The waiter drops off my drink, and a moment later, Nick appears with a drink in hand as if summoned by my thoughts. I know people from the office frequent this place because it’s close by.

“Do you have a moment?”

I should say I don’t, down my drink, and get the heck out of here. That’s what a good girlfriend would do, but my voice disobeys me, and already my body is comforted and lit up by his presence.

“Yes.”

His hair is tousled, like he’s been running his hands through it.

“Everything okay?” I ask him.

“Not really.”

“What’s up?” My skin prickles with worry.

“I wanted to apologize,” he says, looking at me thoughtfully.

“For what?” My heart races, and panic rises in my chest, thinking for a moment that maybe he told Shaan about us. It’s ridiculous, but still, I can’t stop it. Then something else: the easing of guilt, and a bit of relief? I don’t even know.

“For kissing you. I shouldn’t have done that. It was unprofessional.”

I get the feeling that this has been really bothering him.

I swallow, looking away from him. The words dry up in my throat. My emotions are all over the place.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to mess anything up for you.” He takes another sip of his drink as mine arrives.

I’m already doing a good job of that myself, I want to tell him, but I don’t.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Say the word and I can recommend another consultant to take my place.”

Nothing can happen between us, but the thought of him disappearing brings up this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach.

“You don’t need to do that.”

I see relief wash over him. I’m sure it’s because he probably doesn’t want to lose this lucrative contract, but a part of me wishes saying goodbye would be just as hard for him as it would be for me.

I massage my temples. The frustration, anger, and sadness are piling up and I feel like at any moment, I’ll collapse with the weight of everything I can’t handle but I’m being forced to deal with.

I scan the room for the waiter, suddenly wanting to leave, and wishing I could escape these feelings. I’m about to thank him for apologizing and tell him he can go now, when he looks over at me with concern.

“Your head hurts?”

“A little, it’s fine.”

“Here, give me your hand.”

I hold my hand out and he takes it, turns it over, and starts massaging the area between my thumb and forefinger.

“There’s a pressure point in here that can help to relieve headaches.”

My body responds to his touch like I’m straddling him in the booth, and a sigh escapes my lips. I turn more fully toward him and we lock eyes. His hand freezes, but he doesn’t let go. I need to know what he’s thinking.

“Nick.” I look into his eyes. “Why did you kiss me?”

“Because that’s all I’ve wanted to do since I first met you, that night at the bar.” He pauses before continuing. “I know circumstances are different now.”

His hand feels like it’s imprinting onto my skin, and I don’t know how I’m going to exist without this touch. Even now, I’m drifting off into whatever this is between us.