Page 134 of Everything She Wanted

“She doesn’t have much time left.”

“Can I come see her?” I clutch the phone as I wait for him to reply.

“Yes. She asked to see you. That’s why I’m calling.”

“I’ll be right there.”

I leave the office early, telling my team that a family emergency came up and that I’ll check in with them tomorrow. They look at me with concern and tell me they’ll take care of things here. It’s only been a few hours, but I relax, knowing I don’t have to juggle all the balls in the air all the time. I have support.

I take an Uber straight to Eshaan’s parents’ house and rush inside, not even bothering to knock, and I go to his grandma’s room on the main floor. I know the way by heart, having been there so many times.

Her face is sagging, and her light is quickly fading, but even so, she perks up as she sees me.

“Nisha, putt, you came.”

I nod as tears stream down my face.

“Sat Sri Akal, Dadi Ji.”

I sit next to her and take her hands in mine as she asks if I’ve eaten. She doesn’t even wait for me to answer before she’s calling Eshaan’s mom in and ordering her to make me something. It makes me laugh inside, because only someone like her could order someone like Shaan’s mom around.

She’s not satisfied until she sees me have tea and sweets, and for the last time, I bring a little sweet to her mouth.

Shaan comes in and sits next to me, and we sit like that for a while as she lies down, tired already from my brief visit. She opens her eyes briefly.

“Raji khushi raho,” she says, telling us to be happy together. I almost can’t bear it. Then she falls asleep, and I know it’s time to leave.

I say bye to Eshaan’s mom, and he walks me out. “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course. Thank you for letting me see her.”

He looks like how I feel—destroyed. He has dark circles under his eyes, his beard is scruffy instead of perfectly trimmed like it usually is, and his eyes are bloodshot.

“Nisha, I—” He looks remorseful, but I don’t want to get into anything now.

“Shaan, focus on your Dadi. Let’s not do this now.”

I leave and stand in the driveway, crying as I wait for my Uber. It’s hard to turn off my emotions, but still I try to turn the tap off on my heart, with him, with Nick and with everyone.

If only I didn’t feel so much, this would be so much easier.

49. #NoFilter

The next day, I leave work earlier than usual so I have time to call my mom before it gets too late. Rachel’s still out, so I have the place to myself, but I wish she were here for moral support. We haven’t told Eshaan’s parents yet, but we will soon, and I want my mom to hear it from me first. I could put this off a little longer, but I know it will only make it harder.

I settle into the loveseat in our condo and hit Mom on my phone, tugging at my dad’s necklace I wore today, hoping he’ll give me the strength I need for this conversation.

“Nisha! Preeti and I were just looking at your engagement photos,” she answers by way of greeting. “That one of you and Aman is so sweet.”

I haven’t looked at any photos, and I don’t know if I ever will, but I play along. “That is a really nice one.”

“How’s Eshaan’s Dadi?.”

“She’s pretty weak now.”

She tuts. “At least she could be there for the Kurmai.”

I pause. “Mom, I have something to tell you.”