Page 135 of Everything She Wanted

“What is it, putt?”

I hold my breath and grip the arm of the sofa.

“Eshaan and I are calling things off.”

“Call it off? What does that mean?”

“We’re breaking up.” My heart goes up into my throat.

She’s silent for so long that I pull my phone away to check that we’re still connected before she finally answers.

“Why...why would you do this? So many people came for the ceremony. What will they say now?”

My shoulders stiffen. Her first thought is of strangers and not me. Not my pain or hurt, just the opinions of others. My happiness and well-being are not even an afterthought.

“I know, but I just can’t stay with him.”

“Is this because of that girl?”

“Yes, he’s been seeing her for months, but it’s not just that. I don’t think we’re good for each other.”

“You find this out now? Why not before the ceremony? Do you know how bad this makes you look? Makes us look as a family?”

“I was confused, I know I should have stopped it sooner, but I—”

“Who will marry you now, after this beizzati?” She uses the Punjabi word for humiliation, and I wonder exactly whose humiliation she’s so worried about.

I let out a long, aggravated sigh. Maybe no one, but I’m not going to carry on this dysfunctional legacy of sacrificing my life for the sake of appearances. Luckily, with my career, I don’t have to.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I really am. I never wanted to disappoint you.”

“Then work things out with Eshaan. His parents are good people. They’re a nice family,” she retorts, like it’s as simple as that.

“I can’t, I just can’t.” I shake my head vigorously even though I know she can’t see me.

“Nisha, think about your future.”

“That’s what I’m doing, Mom. That’s why I’m doing this.”

Her voice turns harsh, and she starts launching into more reasons why I need to stay with Shaan, but I pull the phone away so I can’t hear them. This is tough enough already.

“Mom. I need to go. I’ll call you later this week.” I hang up as tears overflow and my breath comes in rapid gasps.

My future?

Being alone has to be better than living a lie. Maybe I can’t make her understand, but I can start living in a way that is good for me. For my heart and soul. That’s what I will find a way to do, even as my heart throbs with the pain of hurting her, and my body tenses with the frustration that she just doesn’t get it.

50. The Stranger

The week comes to an end in a blur, and when I look at the clock it’s already 6 p.m. As I head out of the office, I don’t want to go home and be alone. Rachel will be out late promoting this hip new restaurant she’s had her eye on. She asked me if I wanted to tag along, but for the time being, I’m done smiling for the camera.

I think of that cool bar Jess and I went to months ago, and the itch to have a drink takes over. Just one to take the edge off, I tell myself.

It’s close by so I walk there, and because it’s early, I find a booth for two in the back. I order my usual and lean back in the chair. It’s been a lot. My emotions are all over the place, and I take a moment to centre myself.

I finish the drink, and I’m contemplating another when a man comes up to me.

“Mind if I keep you company?” He’s handsome in a rugged way with a dark beard and a lumberjack jacket over his muscular frame. For some reason, I find myself saying yes, even though I’m not sure I’m in the mood for company. He takes a seat before me, and we order another round.