Page 125 of Everything She Wanted

I get back in his car. He doesn’t even try to get in, and for that I’m thankful. I drive away, leaving him in the middle of nowhere. It’s one of my finer moments.

I drive the car back to his place, leaving the ring in the car and the keys in the mailbox.

I don’t want to see his family.

I don’t want to see my family.

I don’t even want to see Rachel.

I take an Uber downtown, walk into a liquor store, grab a bottle of gin, check myself into a nearby hotel, and down nearly half of it.

My phone is dead, and I feel like I’m dying too.

44. Mia

I wake up with a throbbing headache and my mouth completely parched. I’m so exhausted that I don’t want to get out of bed, but my thirst drives me to grab the too-expensive hotel water bottle sitting on the coffee table a few steps away from me.

I finish the bottle before staggering back to bed and lying there. Light streams through the curtains I only half-closed last night, and I look over at the clock to see it’s 9 a.m. Check-out is in a couple of hours, and I have to pull myself together, but I can’t move.

After a night of drinking, my anxiety is heightened, and my nervous system is on high alert. I feel everything I didn’t on the night of the engagement: the despair, hurt, embarrassment, humiliation, and white-hot rage all make their presence known and I punch my pillows and then scream into them before huddling in on myself and just crying.

Rachel tried to warn me, not just on Friday, but so many times before, and I shut her out. I can’t deny that the red flags were everywhere. One moment, Shaan was telling me how much he loved me, and the next, he would cut me down with his words, using the things I shared with him against me. I just didn’t want to see it or believe it.

I think about how he would often leave me at events and tell me he needed to ‘work the room,’ and how he would barely even check on me all night, except when he saw a guy talking to me. How when I asked him about Sonia, when I first saw his texts, he said I was being ridiculous and insecure. How he put down my aspirations and didn’t even try to understand how hard it’s been financially, because his parents paid for everything, and he would always rub in how much they were doing for us. How he would side with Dev instead of me during arguments and didn’t understand why I didn’t want to stay over when he was there. The cheap shots he took at what I wore. The list and signs were endless, and I wonder why I didn’t see them.

Because I didn’t want to.

When I met Eshaan, he checked so many boxes that my family had ingrained in me, and I let myself get caught up in all of that. It felt good, for once, to have my mom’s approval instead of her disappointment in everything I did. So, I forced myself to look the other way. To stop noticing, and this is where betraying myself left me.

I tormented myself for my feelings for Nick, when at the same time Shaan was with Sonia and lied to my face about it with ease. Then my mom’s and Bhua’s reaction confirmed that I never wanted that life. One where I was expected to look the other way and ignore destructive and unhealthy behaviours, silently putting up with them the way they did. The way they felt they had to.

I get it. They didn’t have the financial stability to walk away, especially with kids. But I don’t have to worry about that, especially now.

My promotion officially starts in a week, and with it, a steep increase in pay. I can walk away from all of this and be okay. They never got that choice, and I thank the universe for my career and my situation that gave me one.

Life is shit, but I don’t have to keep sitting in it.

At ten a.m. I take a quick shower and try—for the moment—to take control of my life. My phone’s dead, and I’m not ready to deal with everything that’s waiting for me. Most of my family flew out this morning, and I feel a pang at not seeing them.

It’s okay to focus on me after everything I’ve been through.

This time it isn’t Rachel’s voice in my head, but my own.

I wrack my brain wondering what I should do and then finally remember that Eshaan and I were supposed to be leaving for Victoria this afternoon on the one o’clock ferry. My bag is already packed and if I leave now to pick it up from our condo, I can just make it.

After everything, I deserve this. I’m going to take this fucking trip.

The Uber drops me off at the Empress Hotel in downtown Victoria, and I take it all in. The hotel and nearby legislative building look historic and almost European. Nature is in full bloom around me with vibrant red, yellow, and purple flowers bursting through the nearly fluorescent green shrubs and trees surrounding the majestic hotel. I walk through the grand entrance and the lobby is equally magnificent. Sunlight streams through the windows that make up most of the walls. A spiral staircase with a golden railing leads upstairs, and statuesque pillars stand tall throughout the lobby. I head to the front desk and enter the small queue, taking a deep breath and letting my shoulders soften. Maybe this will be the start of my fairy tale.

“Checking in today, Miss?”

“Yes, the reservation should be under Eshaan Johal.”

She taps away for a few seconds.

“I have it right here. Paid in full. We’ll just need your ID and a credit card for incidentals.”

I hand over my ID and his credit card that he gave me a few weeks ago to pick up anything else I needed for the ceremony.