Page 117 of Everything She Wanted

My heart moves up to my throat when I see Nick standing there on the empty concrete path that runs beside the building. He looks dishevelled yet achingly handsome in a fitted grey suit with no tie and his collar undone. The fading light glints off his immaculate shoes.

I look at her, bewildered. I can’t find words. Rachel holds me steady with one arm while holding the door open with the other as Nick comes closer.

I suddenly wish I had eaten more today. I’ve had nothing since breakfast and just knocked back a double gin and tonic before coming here.

“I’ll be right inside the door, just knock if you need me.” Rachel leaves me alone with him and closes the door behind her. There’s no handle and there’s no escape, and strangely, instead of being anxious, a wave of calm washes over me.

“Nish.” Nick looks at me like nothing exists except us.

He swallows as he continues to walk toward me slowly.

My body betrays me just when I need it the most, and I find myself walking toward him too.

Those irises.

The sharp cut of his jaw.

The way he runs his hand through his thick, golden locks.

I have no chance.

All noises fade into the background and the smell of samosas drifts away as I inhale the delicious scent of his sandalwood and pine cologne. A vortex has opened, and the world slips into nothingness.

It’s only him and me. Us. His arms wrap around me, and I lean my heavy head and heart against his body. I could drown in this embrace. God, let me drown.

He tries to say something.

“Shhh, please.” I don’t want him to say another word, to break this spell, this magic between us. It may be the last time I ever experience it. Experience him.

I nestle deeper into him, and fleeting thoughts race through my mind. Thoughts I shouldn’t even dare to think. I could leave right now with him. Slip through the darkness and out of my dutiful reality into a dream world.

My mind flashes to the lavishly decorated hall waiting for me inside. The disco ball hovering in the centre of the dance floor. The pearl-coloured satin seat covers on chairs surrounding evenly spaced tables, topped with freshly cut peonies, just how I wanted. The room bathed in pink and gold lights like the endless cosmos in a distant galaxy. The hundreds gathered, including a long list of everyone I’ve known since childhood. The embarrassment, the ridicule if I gamble, listening to my soul.

“You’re breathtaking.”

He doesn’t move to kiss me, and I almost can’t stand it. Then my mind comes back to reality.

“Nick, what are you doing here?”

“I don’t know.” He looks so lost and confused. “I just had to see you again and tell you this before it’s too late.”

“Is everything okay?” My body tingles with anxious anticipation.

“No, it’s not. Not even fucking close, Nisha.” He holds me tighter, bringing his lips down my neck and then back up again in the softest caress that’s like the touch of a feather. He pulls back and moves away from me, and the distance feels too far, even though it’s just a step.

“My whole life is a dumpster fire right now, and I had only one chance to make it right and I’m afraid I fucked that up too.”

I brush his cheek with my thumb. “Nick, let me help. You’ve done so much for me, it’s my turn now.”

“I don’t know if you can.”

“I can try.” I look into his sad, fearful eyes and can’t fathom what has him like this.

“Nisha.” He looks on the verge of tears. “I’ve been such a fucking fool. I’ll never forgive myself for watching you walk out the door and not racing after you and telling you this.”

“Telling me what?” My heart beats with irrational hope.

“I’m in love with you and I have been since the first moment I saw you. I spent months searching for you, and when I saw you at the office again, it felt like it was the first time I could finally breathe again.”