Page 118 of Everything She Wanted
I snap back like I’ve been hit in the face.
“You touched my soul in a way I never even thought was possible, and the crazy thing is, you don’t even realize the impact you have on me, on everyone.”
“Nick.” I stand there stunned, like I’m on some stupid TV show and someone’s going to come out and say that I’ve been punked. He can’t mean this. Not after everything. Not now.
“You’re such a stunning light in the world, and without you in my life, it’s like I’m in perpetual darkness. The sun doesn’t seem to shine as bright, nothing tastes good, and everything is so mediocre. It’s life in black and white after glimpsing a few seconds of 4K television.”
Only he would use tech to describe his feelings.
“What are you saying, Nick?” My mind still won’t let me believe what I’m hearing.
“I love you, Nisha. I always have and I always will. And I want you, but not just for a night.”
His intense gaze cuts through me, and he moves closer to clutch my hands like he’ll never be able to let them go.
He brings his lips close to mine, and they hover there as he whispers, “I want us to be together, to figure this all out.”
I pull back as my heart beats out of control in my chest. “Nick, why are you doing this?” I shake my head, and suddenly my outfit is too tight, and I can’t catch my breath. It’s too much. I’ve waited for these words for so long, and now, I don’t want to hear them as reality hits me full on in the face.
“You had a million chances to share this—the conference trips, in Seattle, even at your condo this week, and you didn’t say a word.”
“Nisha, I’m so sorry. It took me too long to realize I deserve this chance at happiness. That I could be someone worthy of you.”
“This chance? And what? If it doesn’t work out, you’re just going to go back to your old ways?” I challenge.
“No, that’s not what I meant.”
“I can’t build my life—my future—on a whim, Nick, with someone who let me walk away so many times. Who let me believe I didn’t even matter.”
“Nisha, please, I’m so sorry. I’ve been a mess, not just now, for weeks. I’m not sleeping, I don’t eat. I can’t even focus on work. I know I should have done something sooner, but please tell me it’s not too late.”
He comes closer, and I move away, my body trembling.
“I can’t do this, Nick. I need someone solid in my life. Someone who wants me and isn’t afraid to claim me, instead of only taking action when they think they’ll lose their chance at a shot they didn’t even want to take.”
I turn my back and start walking away, like he’s done so many times, and then I turn my head around again.
“I’m not a piece of clothing you just try on and discard, I’m the whole fucking department store.” Rage flows through my body like waves, racking me.
“Nish, please. Wait.” He catches up and moves in front of me. I try and fail to push him out of the way, my strength fleeing me.
“I get it, I fucked up, royally.” He sighs. “I’m a fuck-up.”
I have tried so hard for months to move on from him, and he’s selfishly pulling me in again when he already made his decision and now he’s trying to change the choice I never got to make.
“Forgive me. For this, for everything. I want you to be happy, even if you’re not with me. So promise me this one thing, okay?”
I just shake my head. I choke out, “I can’t promise you anything.”
The ground shakes beneath me, and I pray that it opens up and takes me. Takes me away from the crippling anxiety, the pent-up pain, the anger consuming me, the exhaustion of always trying to get it right and epically failing anyway.
He puts his hands on my arms and looks me in the eyes, with those damn piercing blue beauties that I’ve spent so long trying to forget and now it’s like they’ll just haunt me forever.
His grip steadies me before it leaves me untethered and floating away into a dark abyss I’ll never find my way back from.
“Be happy. Every single day of your life.” With that he turns away and, for the last time, he walks out of my life.
I fall onto the steps. Ignoring the persistent vibrating of my phone and the calls coming through one after the other.
