Page 124 of Changing Lanes

But…she’s already here. Isn’t she?

And why don’t I feel relieved by that fact? Not like I thought I’d be. Not at all.

Where’s the happiness? The gratitude? The filling of the deep void I’ve had for far too long? There’s just…nothing.

I don’t even want her here. Not anymore. She can’t roll in now, after missing out on most of my life, just to catch the ending credits. Fuck that. And fuck her.

The edges around her starting to blur, I struggle to raise my suddenly heavy hand, breathing shallower and shallower just to lift it, but she doesn’t rush forward like a concerned mother—what a joke—only widens her eyes when I stick my middle finger up but that’s when I see them. Her eyes. And they’re nothing like mine.

Who is she?

I don’t get to ask because everything goes black.

* * *

Why is it so cold? And what’s that smell? It smells like disinfectant.

I’m met with damn near blinding white lights as soon as I crack my eyes open enough to see my surroundings.

Oh, shit. Not again.

The hospital. Or the emergency room to be exact. A place I’m all too familiar with, unfortunately.

“I thought you’d be out of this phase by now.”

I stiffen at the hoarse voice at my side and looking over, I find my father perched on the edge of the seat next to my uncomfortable hospital bed. His hair, same shade as mine but cut much shorter, is ruffled like he’s been holding his head in his hands. A tailored suit in dark tones matches his newly polished dress shoes proving he’s very much the lawyer whether he’s in the courtroom or not.

If only he could’ve fought for our family like he fights for all his cases.

I blink a few more times, looking around the room but not seeing her anymore.

Was it a dream?

“And what phase is that?”

“Don’t give me that. How many times do we have to go through this for you to finally get it? The constant accidents that always result in you hurting yourself. You’ve been pushing boundaries further and further since the day she left, trying to see how far you can go before she comes to your rescue.”

I flinch involuntarily. “Jesus, Dad. That’s not what this was about.”

He meets my stare with a raised eyebrow, a cocked head, and a don’t try me attitude, saying, “Wasn’t it?”

“No,” I say with a boldness I try not to use with my only parent. Even if he was a disappointment, he stuck around. He was there when she wasn’t.

A lawyer juggling a single father gig—it couldn’t have been easy for him, especially during my more rebellious teen years. And he tried in his own detached sort of way so for that I cut him some slack. But today, that patience is all used up. I wasn’t trying to get hurt. I know some of the previous injuries were made during sketchy situations but today was far from that. My mom wasn’t even on my mind when I went sailing over that weird ass flat spot. The hill I scaled had a hidden lookout at the top, that probably holds one helluva view of Vega Farms. As soon as my tires touched down though I knew it was going to hurt. I didn’t anticipate ending up in the hospital and now that I think about it, nothing even hurts. Why am I here? The last thing I remember was going ass over head over the top of my handlebars, then I woke up to him.

Or was it her?

I cast another look around the tight room, frowning.

She wasn’t really here, was she?

“Then what happened this time, son?”

Fuck, why is he hounding me with the questions? It’s not like I’m concussed. Am I?

“An accident, Dad! Can’t it just be that simple?”

Also, how did I get here? Someone must’ve found me somehow but who goes all the way out there? It’s nothing but open land, I thought. I went out there just before sunset, using the last bit of daylight to weave between trees stock full of apples almost ready to be picked, but ventured out past the orchard parameters, exploring some of the craggier outskirts. I had no idea someone might be out there at the same time.