Page 52 of Creeping Beautiful

I feel like I’m getting further and further away from my goal when I started this project. I have put Indie under hypnosis eight times since our first session and each time she becomes more compliant. But none of my questions, or her answers to them, led to any actionable information. If this job in Pensacola didn’t just go sideways, I might be tempted to concede that all my suspicions were unfounded.

But she was triggered. And her command was to kill herself. So someone had to program her. And that someone has to be Carter. Nick Tate didn’t do it. That’s the only thing I’m sure of. Nick was already in the thick of his Zero Program exit strategy by the time Indie came to the island. He wouldn’t have started her just to end her.

Carter. It has to be Carter.

I have to believe that. Because right now Indie Anna Accorsi is the only connection I have to him.

I know he was real.

My father told me over and over again that he was just a dream, but I know he was real.

I’m not crazy.

I know he was real.

CHAPTER NINE - McKAY

PRESENT DAY

In bed, we sleep.

Well, she sleeps. I think so, anyway. I can hear her soft, deep breathing. And I recognize it like a fingerprint. There could be a whole room filled with sleeping people and I could find Indie in the dark by her breath alone.

She is flat on her stomach, head turned away from me, cheek pressed into the pillow. I lie on my back, hands behind my head, eyes on the ceiling.

I don’t want this to end but Donovan will be here soon. Maybe an hour. Maybe two. And then this pause will be over.

The ceiling has no answers for me. Just more questions. How did she get here? Where has she been? Who was she with?

But I stare at it anyway because if I look at her—if I allow myself to look at her—then I’ll want to touch her. And this can’t last. We both know this can’t last.

I might belong to her but she doesn’t belong to me. Not me alone, anyway. Adam and Donovan own equal parts of her heart. Even if she does blame Adam for her current situation, she will never be able to detach herself from him. No matter how much she’d like to.

Just like I can’t.

There’s a part of me that still wonders what my life would’ve been like if I had not come to live with the Bouchers. I still wonder if what Mr. Boucher told me was the truth.

But there’s no time to think about my past or my problems with it. Because Indie is back. I have spent the past four years wishing for this day. Hoping she was still alive and she’d come back to us.

And here she is and I can’t even look at her.

Finally, I can’t take it anymore and I turn my head. Stare at the long curve of her spine. Notice the lights and darks that play along the muscles of her back in the moonlight.

I turn onto my side just enough to reach over and trace a long, soft line down her back. And suddenly there is this overwhelming urge to wrap my arms around her. To pull her into my chest and hug her tight. So tight she melds into me. Becomes a part of me. And our hearts merge.

That’s where she belongs. Inside my heart.

I press my head into the pillow and sigh.

“Why are you sighing?”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

She doesn’t turn or even move. Just lies still. I want to keep her like this. Forever. Just crawl on top of her and cover her with my body. Keep her for myself. My captive.

“What do you think is gonna happen now, McKay?”

I can’t answer that. And my heart beats fast, then faster. Because I’m afraid she’ll turn and look at me. And she’ll see what’s behind my eyes. The fear. The longing. The false apologies. The secrets I’m hiding from her. From everyone. “I don’t know,” I finally answer. “We’ll go home, I guess. What else can we do but go home?”