Page 53 of Creeping Beautiful

And then she does turn and I suddenly want to cry. A hard rock forms in my throat and just grows bigger and bigger until I’m very sure that I will die.

My eyes become wet and sad.

I’m so fucking sad.

Her hands are tucked under her cheek and her blue eyes are wide open. There is no sadness there though. Because she doesn’t even know that she should be sad.

She reaches out with one hand and places it on my cheek. “Don’t worry. It’s gonna be OK.”

I place my hand over hers and nod. Then I pull her close to me and she scoots in until her breasts are pressing against my chest and both hands grab on to my hair.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing,” I lie. “I’m fine. How are you?”

“Better.”

This makes me smile. “I’ve missed you, ya know. I’ve been worried about you. I want to know everything.”

She frowns and pouts her lips. Just a little. “You really don’t.”

“Do you remember now?”

“Where I’ve been? Or what I’ve done?”

My heart skips a beat or seven. “Aside from the dog walking?”

“I don’t really remember. I just… I just have a very bad feeling about it.”

I take her hand off my head and hold it. Kiss the back of her knuckles. “We’ll figure it out.”

“Maybe I don’t want to know? I mean”—she looks up into my eyes, searching for something—“if I’m supposed to know, then why do I keep forgetting?”

“You know why. You don’t forget everything. You found your way here. Two weeks ago,” I add. Louder. Sterner. “Why the fuck didn’t you come to me when you got into town?”

“I don’t know. I don’t remember getting here. One day I was just watching you get drinks at the bar.”

“From the inside?”

“Yup. I was there. I kept thinking, He’ll feel me. Ya know? I thought you should be able to feel me watching you. But you didn’t. So I just… stayed in the shadows.”

She’s right. I should’ve known. But it’s been four years since she left. And maybe, that first year, I would’ve. But then… time just kept moving forward and things started to fade. I didn’t exactly forget about her or the past fourteen years of my life. I just… let it slip away. Into the dark background. Into the shadows.

And that’s where she was. Right there in the darkest corners of my memories. Close, but unseen.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve felt you. But you’re here now and you’re not leaving again.”

“You don’t know that. I don’t even know that.”

“I’m not gonna let you, Indie. It’s not safe.”

“Safe. What the hell is safe, anyway? There’s no such thing. And besides”—she pauses to smile, like this is a joke—“I’m still here. And I’m all yours. At the moment. Don’t waste it, McKay. We might not ever get this chance again.”

I know what she means. It’s not a threat. She’s not saying she’s gonna disappear again, though she might. She means Donovan will be here soon and then she will stop being mine and become ours. And eventually, Adam will be here too. Or we’ll be there. Back at Old Home and all together. And that’s it as far as McKay and Indie go.

Because like it or not, she is his.

Indie reaches down with her hand and finds my cock. “One more time?” She squeezes it until I feel the blood rushing towards the tip.