Page 91 of His Untoward Hate

“I am not hugging you,” he said.

Jude’s heart skipped a beat.

“Then what exactly are you doing?”

“I’m just putting my arms around you,” he replied.

Jude had to fight the urge to roll his eyes and shout at him.

“Please don’t disappear like that again,” Sky said quietly, fear evident in his voice.

Jude could not understand him. He could not understand why Sky was suddenly acting this way.

Jude frowned.

“Can you stop whatever this is?” he snapped, irritation creeping into his tone.

He tried to loosen his grip, but Sky was very strong.

“Would you prefer a beating instead?” Sky replied with his usual sarcasm.

“Probably, like you used to,” Jude replied bitterly.

“Do you want me to?”

Even as he spoke, his arms tightened around Jude’s waist, as if loosening his grip for even a second might cause Jude to slip away from him entirely.

“Maybe I’d prefer that…” Jude let out a hollow laugh. “Why don’t you just do it?”

“You’re unbelievable,” Sky muttered. “I’ve already promised I would never hurt you again.”

Jude halted. There was a certainty in his voice that made him freeze. Neither of them spoke for a moment. Jude was utterly muddled. He just could not take his words seriously.

Why was Sky acting like this? Why was he holding me so tightly? Why did it feel like he suddenly changed? Why did his words sound so sincere? This was not the Sky he knew. The nasty remarks and keen edges in his voice were gone, replaced by a gentleness that felt unfamiliar. And somehow, that confused Jude more than any insult or threat ever could.

“You’re not stuttering when talking to me anymore,” Sky said, as if stuttering was something mandatory.

“Because I’m tired of being afraid,” Jude answered bluntly.

Sky was quiet for a moment.

“Why are you afraid of me?”

“You really shouldn’t be asking me that.”

“I told you, I won’t hurt you anymore,” Sky said softly. “And when I say something, I always mean it.”

“You always hurt me, Sky,” Jude replied.

The words came out without hesitation. Sky was tongue-tied. Jude felt Sky stiffen behind him. Sky’s breathing faltered, as if the accusation had hit somewhere deeper than he expected. But Sky did not let go. His arms remained wrapped around Jude’s waist, holding him just as tightly as before.

“Sometimes, I wonder what your intentions toward me really are. I don’t understand you, Sky.” Jude’s voice was quiet, weighed down by years of confusion. “You’ve always beaten me up. You’ve always bullied me. You’ve always been the one who hurt me the most. You’ve always confused me…” he trailed off, his thoughts drifting to the moments that refused to leave his mind. “You’ve been tormenting me since seventh grade,” he continued. “There has not been a single day since then I’ve gone to school without being afraid of you…or of everyone else.” he swallowed hard. “But what confuses me is that you’re also the one who keeps showing up when I least expect it. You’re always there whenever I fall apart. You comfort me even when I don’t ask for it. Somehow, you’re always present during the weakest moments of my life,” Jude let out a shaky breath. “I should have been long gone now, but you kept saving me from the death I was so desperate to have.”

The rain continued to pour around them. Jude felt droplets landing on his shoulder, but he could not tell whether they came from the storm or from Sky’s. Yet it was very impossible when it came from him.

Sky said nothing.

Then, unexpectedly, he spoke.