Page 90 of His Untoward Hate

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The moment Jude stepped outside, a colorful hummingbird landed on the balcony railing in front of the house. He watched as the tiny bird tilted its head from side to side, studying him just as intently as he surveyed it, as though trying to decipher the emotions hidden behind his expressionless face. Despite the raging storm, the fragile creature remained steadfast, fighting for food and for its little life.

The hummingbird suddenly fluttered away as if inviting him to follow. Despite his weakened state, Jude found himself following the tiny bird. Each flap of its wings struggled against the force of the ferocious storm. He paid no attention to the cold, relentless rain. The little bird led him to the backyard, where an unexpected sight awaited him.

Jude lifted his head and squinted, trying to keep the rainwater from getting into his eyes. He watched as it hopped from branch to branch before settling on a slender twig where a tiny nest rested. Another hummingbird appeared, landing beside the nest opposite the first. A small worm hung from its beak. Suddenly, a chirp broke through the sound of the rain. Jude guessed it came from a baby hummingbird. He was right. A tiny head emerged from the nest, its beak stretched wide open. The bird gently fed the chick while the other adult remained close by. Even as the storm tossed the branches back and forth, they stayed together. Despite the hardship, they were still a happy, complete family.

A glint of admiration naturally surfaced in Jude’s eyes: how nice it must be to be nothing more than a bird. He looked away and shifted his attention to a growing pond nearby. As he gazed into the water, he noticed a group of tadpoles swimming in perfect synchronization through the murky depths, each one struggling to survive. A thought crossed his mind: how nice it must be to be a tadpole.

Jude squatted beside the pond and reached out to touch the water’s surface. Raindrops filtered through the leaves above, splashing into the pond and shattering the reflection staring back at him. He slowly ran a hand through the water, watching the ripples spread outward. When he stood up again and looked down, his reflection had reformed. Only then did he truly see himself. Oversized clothes hung loosely from his frame. Bruises marred his face. He looked like a complete wreck.

Jude gazed at the hills displayed before him. Their slopes were painted in shades of yellow-green, free of trees and coated only by green grass. It was a breathtaking sight. His eyes wandered back to the pond. The splash upon the water, the wind whistling through the open space, the rustle of leaves dancing in the air, the crack of thunder, the rain drumming against the roof, and the soft patter of droplets on the soil. It all brought a sense of tranquility to Jude. He spread his arms wide and closed his eyes, allowing himself to be captivated by the fleeting comfort nature offered. The rain, the wind, and the sounds surrounding him brought a momentary sense of calm, yet the weight inside his chest remained as heavy as ever. Without realizing it, he found himself singing 180 Degrees by Jordan Feliz.

Jude wanted to feel Him. He wanted to understand the song’s message and find an answer to the doubts gnawing at him.

Was He truly there? If He was, then why was all of this happening to me? Out of more than eight billion people in the world, why did it have to be me? What had I done to deserve so much pain? What was the purpose of a life that seemed filled with nothing but suffering? The questions piled inside his mind.

Jude wanted answers.

And a part of him blamed Him.

As Jude sang, tears began to spill uncontrollably down his cheeks. The pain inside him throbbed endlessly, as though his heart could no longer bear its burden. Exhaustion, sorrow, and despair washed over him, threatening to swallow him whole.

“Are you going to jump?”

A familiar voice interrupted the important moment, abruptly pulling Jude from the only solace he had managed to find. Before he could react, a pair of arms wrapped around his waist from behind, catching him completely off guard.

“I asked you, are you going to jump?” Sky repeated.

There was no trace of anger or frustration in his voice. He simply rested his forehead against Jude’s shoulder without permission, his warm breath brushing against the exposed skin of his neck.

Jude lowered his gaze. He was not sure whether to answer him. He did not have to.

“I repeat. Are you going to jump?”

He knew Sky well enough to understand that silence would not stop him. Sky would continue asking until he heard the answer he was looking for.

“I…was planning to,” Jude answered quietly, voice was hoarse due to the fever.

“You’ll not get drowned,” Sky said, tightening his arms around Jude’s waist.

“What are you doing?” Jude asked, bewildered as he wiped the tears from his face with the back of his hand.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Sky replied. “I’m hugging you from behind.”

Sky’s voice was gentle. The sarcasm that normally laced his words was nowhere to be found. Instead, there was something softer in his tone, something that almost sounded like concern.

“Why?” Jude asked, unable to hide the irritation in his voice.

He let out an exasperated sigh.

“Why are you hugging me?”

“Let’s go back inside. You’re still not well,” Sky said, steering the conversation away from the question as though he genuinely cared.

“I asked what you’re doing, Sky. Why are you hugging me?” Jude repeated.

Jude grabbed Sky’s arms and tried to pry them away from his waist, but Sky refused to let go.