Page 124 of Almost Ours

“Yeah.”

She gestures vaguely towards herself. “Because I’m going to have my vagina out on it.”

I don’t really know what response she’s expecting. “Yeah? What do you want me to say here? I’m not going to make the situation worse for you. I should probably lay some towels down or something, right?”

“Oh, please,” Abi snaps, as though I’ve thoroughly pissed her off. “Don’t be precious. I bet you’ve had loads of girls naked on this sofa and haven’t even bothered to clean it.”

“I haven’t,” I snap back, indignant. “No one’s been naked on that fucking sofa.” My admission seems to send a strange ripple through the room. Brooke’s eyebrows lift, Abi looks briefly distracted from her own crisis and Ewan turns to me with a look that makes me regret speaking up. Ruby doesn’t say anything. “Why is that shocking? I’m not the slag everyone seems to think I am.”

Ewan snorts. “No one called you a slag.”

“You were all thinking it.”

Ewan shrugs. “I know the truth.”

“Exactly, so stop looking at me like that.”

“IS THIS THE TIME?” Abi screams. “PLEASE HELP ME!”

Right. Condom.

Brooke clears her throat and points at the sofa. “Lie down, put a cushion underneath your bum and bend your knees.”

Abi makes a move for one of the blue cushions and shoves it underneath herself before lowering her body onto the sofa. My sofa. I can already tell I am never going to look at that cushion in the same way again.

She lies there staring at the ceiling, hands locked over her stomach and body so stiff she looks like she’s waiting to be executed.

There’s a pause while she starts to wriggle out of them and, thankfully, from where I’m standing I can’t see anything. A small part of my brain tells me I should probably turn around anyway, but the entire thing has become so much like watching a car crash that I don’t seem capable of looking away.

“This is the worst night of my life,” Abi whimpers.

Ruby is hovering over her like some kind of surgeon, which would be more reassuring if she didn’t also look mildly horrified. “This is the first time I’ve ever been involved in anything like this, and I’m really starting to question why everyone decided I was the person for the job.”

“Because Brooke said you were good in a crisis.”

“I threw water at you. Do you still think I’m the one who is good in a crisis?”

“Well,” Abi sniffles. “I didn’t faint, throw up, or have a panic attack.”

Brooke looks back at the phone. “It says you need to relax, Abi.” Brooke continues reading. “Whoever helps needs to wash their hands properly, get close, use a light and sort of sweep a finger around.”

Abi’s voice is small. “You want one of them to... finger me?”

“Well, someone is going to have to,” Brooke tuts, running out of patience at a rapid rate. “I can’t believe I am involved in this. Ruby, you need to wash your hands.”

Ruby looks aghast. “Why me?”

“Because I’m not doing it.”

“I don’t want to!”

“SOMEBODY HAS TO HELP ME!” Abi screams.

Ruby, in a daze, stumbles towards the kitchen with the enthusiasm of someone walking towards their own execution. “Fine. I’ll wash my hands.”

My attention follows her as she crosses the room towards me, and I realise there is no situation horrific enough to stop me noticing Ruby Hollis.

Ewan edges closer to me while Ruby is out of the room and lowers his voice so the rest can’t hear. “What the fuck was happening with Ruby when we came in?”