Page 123 of Almost Ours

Ewan makes a strangled noise beside the sofa.

Abi’s head snaps towards him. “I DIDN’T MEAN LIKE THAT!”

He holds his hands up. “I didn’t say anything.”

“Everyone shut up,” Brooke cuts in, looking back down at her phone. “I’ve found something.”

Abi abandons Ewan and hurries towards her. “What does it say?”

“That it can’t get lost inside you, so stop thinking it’s travelling towards your heart.”

Abi’s entire body seems to loosen slightly. “It definitely can’t?”

“No. Your cervix stops it going any further.”

“My cervix?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Ruby moves over to Brooke and peers at the screen. “What does it say she needs to do?”

“Relax, squat down and bear down while trying to hook a finger around it.”

“What the fuck is bearing down?” Abi hotly demands, looking fucking nuts. Her blonde hair is all over the place, and she’s in a snot-green plastic top with a hot pink skirt. I have no idea what kind of event she was dressed for before all this kicked off, but whatever it was, I’m hoping the outfit made more sense there.

Ruby considers it. “You’re going to have to push.”

“Push what?”

“Like you’re having a poo.”

“I am not taking a shit in Josh’s living room.”

“You’re not actually going to shit.”

“What if I do?”

“Please don’t,” I beg.

Ruby points to the wine stain. “The carpet’s already fucked. What harm could it do?”

“Oh, cheers, Rubes.”

A grin spreads across her stunning face and she winks at me. “Anytime.”

I stifle a laugh.

Ruby bends over Brooke’s shoulder. “It says lying down might make it easier. Maybe one of us could get it out if you put a pillow under your bum?”

Abi’s gaze lands on the sofa. Then it moves to me, full of an amount of embarrassment I don’t think I’ve ever seen on another person. “Can I?”

“Course.”

“Are you sure?”