Page 5 of Retrofit Analysis

“Did he swipe your V-card, Elizabeth Burns?” She leans closer as the server brings our food and flushes uncomfortably. I wait until we’re alone again.

“He did not,” I tell her. I shrug again. “I had done some experimenting before we got together.” My insides flutter, remembering the way Kellen and I had been together, though. All desperation and wild passion. “What he lacked in finesse, he made up for in enthusiasm.” I hadn’t meant to share that last bit out loud, but Lisa throws her head back and laughs.

“Yes!” She shouts. “I love this for you. What’s his deal? Wife and kids and such?”

“I’m actually not sure,” I say, telling her about the incident in the driveway. “He and his nephew were very kind to Jake, showing him things about the car.”

“God, it’s hot when people are nice to my kid,” Lisa says. “I mean, people should be nice by default, but let’s face it. The world is full of assholes.”

I nod, digging in to my rice and beef dish. Bibimbop, it’s called. The flavors are amazing. Bold and crisp. The vegetables are so bright against the rice. Jake has a very limited diet and strong smells upset him, so when we eat at home it’s usually much more bland. I bite right into a pickled spring onion and savor the strong taste as Lisa talks about the various assholes she’s encountered this week.

“Hey,” she says. “Speaking of assholes, when is Todd going to start his custody?”

I frown. That’s been a sore spot throughout this process. Neither Jake nor Todd, frankly, wants to spend much time together. “Todd seems to think he’ll earn brownie points at work by having weekend time? I don’t even know. He’s supposed to pick Jake up after camp Friday. Jake hasn’t even seen Todd’s new place yet.”

“What are you going to do with an entire weekend to yourself?” Lisa leans forward on her elbows. Her weekends are filled with swim meets, frantic errands, and yard work. I know she’s rooting for me to have some free time to tell her about.

“Honestly, I’ll probably read a book and hold my breath, waiting for Jake to have a meltdown and Todd to call me to come get him.”

She squints at me. “I’m thinking sexy buns across the street is single, and you should spend this weekend getting reacquainted with him.”

“Lisa,” I frown. “The ink is barely dry on my divorce papers.”

“Oh come on, Beth. You haven’t had sex since you conceived Jake. It’s way past time.”

My eyes widen. “I’m not about to go have casual sex with Kellen Brady.” I may have been a teenager the last time I saw him, but there was nothing casual about him. No, he’s not the man you call to scratch an itch.

She slumps back in her chair. “Fine, fine. Let’s talk about your career options instead.” She arches a brow at me. “You know you’d be a damn fine project manager somewhere, too.”

I shake my head. “I haven’t had as many balls in the air as you. You slipped right into this role—you said it yourself, that those computer programmers are no different from children who need to get to the orthodontist and soccer practice all at the same time.”

We pay the check as she scolds me about downplaying my skills. “Just because you only have one kid doesn’t mean you haven’t been the goddess of your date book. How many other people do you know who can manage an autism therapy schedule along while arguing with the insurance company about covering medication and getting an autistic teen ready for a new school?”

I look down at my lap. When she describes these things it makes it sound like I’ve been doing so much. “Jake is really excited about high school,” I admit.

“This is what I’m saying. You got a teenager to be excited about something. You helped him find a school in the city with engineering classes and advanced math, you got him on a tour…you’d be a major asset to any office, is all I’m saying.”

“I’ll think about it,” I tell her.

She points a straw at me as we get our things to leave. “You should spend this weekend starting your resume,” she says. “I’m going to call you six times and check until you send me a draft so I can tell you how awesome it is.”

Five

Kellen

I’ve become a hermit. Worse, I’m a peeping Tom hermit. I seem to spend all my time sitting in my living room peeking between my blinds to see if Elizabeth is coming or going. I have no idea why I’m behaving this way and haven’t had the energy to sit and ponder what has me so worked up about seeing her again.

There was something jarring about her eyes, once filled with light and laughter and now…so tired. She just seems really tired. I’m tired, too. I wonder about the boy’s father, whether he’s gone like Helen or just…gone from their lives. It’s clear she and Jake live over there alone, although I remember that her parents live in the neighborhood.

I grin, wondering if their basement still has the bright red linoleum floor. She and I used to sneak down there through the side door and make out, careful not to get loud near any of the ducts in case the sound traveled.

I wake earlier than usual on Monday, feeling restless. There are no lights on across the street, and I slip off to work as the sun is rising. I settle in to my office to review the progress we are making with our new endeavors. Beltane Engineering, the company my brother and I started together, recently brought in a guy who studies machine learning.

The whole thing was my nephew Zack’s idea. He met this guy in college, Ray, who is showing us all sorts of things about how his sensors can supplement our inspection processes. He’s got computer programs analyzing days and days worth of video footage checking out everything from landslides near mining operations to rust on highway overpasses.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been out making calculations. At this stage of my career, I’m doing more big picture work, making sure all the gears are turning. When my nephew Liam got the idea to add power infrastructure to our inspection catalogue, I was simultaneously thrilled for him and his brainstorm and jealous as hell that I hadn’t thought of it.

As I stare at our numbers, I realize that my brother and I had planned for our kids to take over leadership of the company…and it’s happening. Liam and Zack have found their groove and are proving to be both brilliant engineers and good stewards of Beltane.