Page 47 of Retrofit Analysis

“Fine, ugh.” He makes another clanging. “I’m going to play Roblox here for awhile. Grampa wants to learn about Bee Swarm Simulator.”

I sputter a laugh, feeling a bit of the whiplash I’m used to when parenting this teen and realizing this is it. We get to work through these things together, every day, without worrying about an unreliable father throwing a wrench in his gears.

I pad back down the hall to check on Kellen and hear a persistent vibrating from the floor near my door. Brady crisis, I think, remembering what Jake said.

I stoop down to pick up Kellen’s slacks. “Kel,” I whisper, waking him with kisses. “You’re blowing up.”

“Ungh,” he groans, rolling away from me. “What time is it?” I must have really worn him out. I sneak over to his pants and pull out his phone. “It’s about 5,” I tell him, smiling that we spent an entire day together entwined in my bed. He must have had his phone on do not disturb mode, because all the messages seem to pour in at once.

“Kel, you have about 100 text messages and a bunch of voicemails.” I toss him the phone as he sits up, looking concerned. And then his face transforms into joyful elation.

“Maddie had the baby,” he says, showing me the screen. “Arlan.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful,” I squeal, reaching for the phone so I can look at the pictures Liam sent. “Is it ok if I scroll and look?”

“Yes! Scroll. How many did they send?” The two of us look over the pictures and read through the messages, laughing at the increasing levels of panic from Callum as he narrated Maddie’s labor via text.

“Does anyone mention how Maddie is doing? Isn’t her diabetes a risk during labor and delivery?”

Kellen frowns and keeps scrolling. “There are no updates after the baby pictures,” he says. He stands up from the bed, tapping at the phone. “I have to find out.” He looks anxious and fumbles with the phone a bit.

“Here,” I say, reaching for it. “Let’s call Nicole. Do you have her number?”

“Oh that’s a good idea,” he says and I see him open his family group text. He navigates to Zack’s girlfriend’s name and dials, then we both draw back from the phone as she squeals out a greeting to us.

“IS’NT IT AMAZING?? Oh my god, Uncle Kellen, you should see this baby. Wait. Why weren’t you there? You sly dog, are you with Neighbor Gal?”

He clears his throat. “Elizabeth needed a ride home from court this morning,” he tells her.

“Aw, that’s so great that you think I don’t know you were banging her all day,” she says. “I know exactly why Cal and Orla really whisked Jake off to Beltane after the hearing.”

I blush uncomfortably, hearing every word she shouts even though she’s not on speaker phone.

“Nicole,” Kellen interrupts. “How is Madison?”

“Oh, dude, she’s ravenous,” Nicole says. “I’m at the bakery for her right now because she’s hypo.” Kellen turns to me and mouths “diabetes jargon” as Nicole keeps gushing about Maddie and the baby. “You should come to the hospital and squeeze that baby while everyone else is out getting food and shit.” I nod vigorously and the two of us plan to drive to the hospital.

I send Kellen home to shower and change so I can arrange for my parents to keep Jake for awhile, who is apparently roaring away teaching his grandfather to play video games. He barely acknowledges my comment that I will be leaving him with his grandparents for a bit when they hand him the phone. I hang up and quickly get myself ready and Kellen pops back into the kitchen, smelling fresh and looking excited.

“Maddie loves goldfish crackers and candy,” he says. “Can we stop at the grocery store on our way? To get her some?”

“I can help with this,” I tell him, heading into the kitchen. I open the snack cupboard and, like Vanna White, indicate the cornucopia of individually packaged snacks in there. “Behold,” I tell him as he cracks up laughing. “Jake’s approved school lunch supplements.”

“It seems like he and Maddie share a similar palate,” he says, as I shovel the snacks into a gift bag. We drive to the hospital and sign in, and I can tell Kellen is an anxious mess as we wait for the elevator. I squeeze his arm and steer him down the hall toward their room.

Liam looks up as we press the door open and his face lights up when he sees us. “Uncle Kellen,” he whisper shouts. “Arlan is here.” Liam looks like he’s been awake for weeks, even though it sounds like the baby came quickly. Liam has dark circles under his eyes, but the way he gazes at his family…he just radiates joy.

I feel my heart clench at the sight of this man, so enamored by his son and his beloved. “I’m just so grateful,” he whispers, and Kellen nods, tears in his eyes.

“I remember that, kiddo, looking down at Orla’s tiny body, the gratitude I had for her mother bringing Orla here to me.” Kellen and Liam embrace and I’m overcome at the love in this room. Before I can think better of it, I’m crying right along with them, grateful to be included. I linger by the door, fiddling with the gift bag until Maddie looks over at me.

“Hey,” she says, beckoning. “Come see what I did!”

I approach the bed and offer the gift bag. “We brought sustenance,” I say, and then I realize Maddie is feeding Arlan. “Oh,” I exclaim as I see his jaw working hard. “Look at his wonderful latch.”

“Is this right?” She asks, reaching for the candy with one hand and fumbling Arlan’s head. “It feels right, but I honestly have no idea.”

I nod and lean in, stroking the baby’s ear and showing Maddie how to tell when Arlan is swallowing. All these years later and I can still remember just how it felt to have a baby attached to my body on the outside, depending on me for food.