Page 48 of Retrofit Analysis

“I feel it all the way to my toes, when he’s sucking like this,” Maddie says, and I nod. I feed her M&Ms while she focuses on Arlan and eventually, I look up to see Orla opening the door. She holds a bunch of balloons, and halts in her step when she sees me snuggled up cozy with Maddie and Arlan.

“Hi,” Orla says, hesitating. I drop a kiss on the baby’s sweet head and stand up.

“Hi, Orla,” I say, stepping toward her. “I’ll step out so you all can visit,” I say. But she shakes her head.

“No,” she says. “You should stay.” Orla gestures toward Maddie and the slurping baby. “You know more about this stuff anyway. We need your expertise.”

We convince Liam to head home and shower by telling him he needs to grab more chapstick and deodorant for his baby’s mother. Maddie drifts off to sleep after Arlan finishes eating and my heart melts as I watch Kellen cradle the baby in the rocking chair, murmuring into his tiny head as he rocks his grand-nephew to sleep.

Orla is also watching and I smile at her. “He looks good in grandpa mode,” I say, winking.

“Oh, christ, please don’t start in on me about getting married,” she says, and I laugh.

“I would never.” The two of us sit in a sort of awkward silence as Maddie snores, her IV and monitor beeping rhythmically and Kellen rocks Arlan in time with its chorus.

I clear my throat. “Orla,” I say, “I just feel like I should tell you that I…well, I really care about your father.” She nods and shrugs. “But I would never do anything to compromise the relationship you have with him.” She swallows slowly, stiffening. “I can’t tell you how meaningful it is that you came to the hearing today. And I know I could never replace your mother.” I start babbling now, unsure what to say, but feeling like I need to communicate my intentions to this woman. “I would never try to do that, either. But I hope that you and I could be...friends seems like maybe a weird word. But I hope you and I can be…something.”

Orla’s eyes brim with tears, and I’m taken aback because every time I’ve ever seen her she’s been so tough, so brusque. “Thank you for saying all that,” she says. “Your son is pretty amazing, and we were all happy to be there to support you two. Anyone with eyes can see that my dad is crazy about you.” I smile. She sighs. “And if I’m honest it’s really nice having a woman around sometimes. Like, an adult woman.” She gestures around the room. “Maybe we can band together and balance out these farting cretons.”

“I’d really like that,” I tell her. “I like having a woman around, too.” Kellen looks up from the rocking chair at the two of us and I give him a small smile, which he returns.

Not long after, Nicole and Zack and Mick hustle into the hospital room and I find a corner of the room behind a curtain, running out of space. I feel the heat of Kellen’s body behind mine and he leans in to kiss my neck.

“Ready to head back,” he asks, and I nod. We walk to the parking lot holding hands and I lean my head on his shoulder.

“That was really special, Kellen,” I tell him, squeezing his hand.

“Well,” he says, “You’re really special to me. I’m so glad you were with me there to meet Arlan.” He kisses me on the cheek. “And I’m really glad you got to talk with Orla a little bit.”

I smile. “We’re a ways off still from going to the mall together, I think.”

He laughs. “Well, you know, she did help Jake with his electromagnetism homework the other week.”

My eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “I did not realize that.” I smile at the thought of my kid and Kellen’s daughter spending time together. Like maybe we really can form some sort of…

“I’d like to build a family with you, Beth,” Kellen interrupts my thoughts, stealing the very words from my mind and expressing them out loud. “I know it will be messy and loud and all of us will have to work hard to communicate our boundaries. But I’m all in.”

“Oh, Kellen, me too,” I tell him. I jump up into his arms as he spins me around in the parking lot, pressing his mouth to mine. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, what new challenges Jake and I will face. But I know we aren’t alone in facing them.

We’re here, with this quirky gang of linear thinkers who all evidently love helping my son with his physics studies. As Kellen moans softly against my kiss and I press my body into his, I know that we can build something good together.

“Will you be my trellis, Kellen Brady?” I ask him, burying my head into his shoulder as he finally sets me back on the ground.

“I already am, Beth. Now take me home so we can wind our roots together.”

“Was that a euphemism?” I laugh as I unlock my car and he slides in the passenger seat.

“You bet your ass it was.”

Epilogue: Kellen

Two Months Later

I make my way back to the tent with the hot coffee, hoping I’ll be able to nudge Elizabeth awake with a steaming mug. She was so excited when Jake arranged to stay with her parents so the two of us could “have an excursion” together. Pittsburgh has been experiencing a warm snap and so, even though it’s nearing Thanksgiving, we booked a spot in a state park to go camping. Elizabeth was gung ho to camp on the ground in a remote spot, have us walk in all our gear.

But when we loaded the backpacks and took a practice walk around the block, I felt the sting in my foot and knew it wasn’t a good idea for me. So we compromised and borrowed Orla’s air mattress to wedge into the tiny tent. When I approach from the picnic table where I’ve left the camp stove to cool, I’m greeted by the sight of Elizabeth’s backside in black tights.

I nearly spill the coffee as I ogle the beautiful round shape. She’s on her hands and knees, crawling around the tent looking for something when she hears me approach. She turns over her shoulder and smiles, and I’m so overcome with lust I have no choice but to plunk the travel mugs on the ground and climb inside the tent.