Page 177 of The Incendiary

“The commander let me know we were having a little reunion.” Ezra’s bitter voice slashed straight through my hope. His blue eyes were cold with disappointment and distrust. Otherwise, he looked just as he did six months ago.

“Please, come in,” I encouraged him. He brushed past me into the room, then spun to face me. “We were just⁠—”

“Why did you let us believe you were dead?” he nearly shouted.

“Ezra,” Finn warned.

“No, it’s okay,” I told Finn, then turned back to Ezra. “I died in Brinnea. When I came back, a lot about me… changed.”

“Yeah, I’ll say,” he scoffed. “The Ary I knew wouldn’t have been so selfish.”

I forced a deep breath through my nose. I hadn’t expected him to forgive me immediately. But I hadn’t expected this, either. “I needed some time, Ezra. To… recover.”

Ezra scoffed again. “I imagine you did, after what that disgusting monster did to you.”

The breath whooshed from my lungs, like he’d kicked me in the gut with his boot. In my periphery, four glares latched on to him. I closed off my throat to keep from throwing up.

“What?” Ezra snapped, his eyes darting angrily around the room. “Is no one else going to say it? We’re just going to pretend that the Butcher of Nyrida didn’t manipulate her straight into his bed?”

“Ez,” warned Gemma through gritted teeth. “You need to stop.”

“Seriously?” When he turned on her, Finn put himself in front of her. “You, of all people, Gemma? You were the first one to call him out on it.” Ezra looked at me. “You’re really going to play dumb to what was going on there?”

The bridge of my nose burned. “I am not having this conversation with you.”

“Are you going to have it with anyone?” he snapped. “What about Elias? Because he deserves to know that his queen and the Butcher were⁠—”

“That is enough, Ezra!” shouted Caz, waking baby Ari and sending him into a frightened fit of wails. Marin closed her eyes in defeat and began to bounce and soothe their son. The sound of his cries made my ears ring. My body was desperate to escape it.

“Ezra,” I pressed through the painful noise and tried to follow as he left. “Please let me⁠—”

The door slamming cut me off in the middle of my plea, which only made Ari’s cries louder. Caz relieved Marin and cradled his son against his strong chest. A few moments later, the crying ceased.

“I need to tell him the truth,” I announced quietly. “He should know, too.”

“No.” Caz shook his head, cradling the back of Ari’s soft head. “Don’t.”

I looked around the room. The rest seemed to agree.

“I don’t want to tell you what to do, Ary,” began Finn, “but I’ve known Ezra my entire life. He will twist this, not out of anger with you but hatred of Smyth. He’ll tell Elias how close you two were, and you’ll have to explain yourself.” He glanced at Gemma, who nodded in grim agreement. “They’ll make you out to be Smyth’s easily manipulated victim more than they already have. I don’t think you want people to question your ability to make sound choices.”

I didn’t want him to be right, but if they thought anything like Ezra, I could already guess the kind of questions they were asking.

What did that monster do to her?

Is she even fit to rule?

What if she’s too weak?

Can we trust her?

When baby Ari started wailing again, I flinched a little too visibly. Pain throbbed behind my eyes, which I squeezed shut. My mind spun, and panic originating from my core reminded me of the one truth I was selfishly trying to avoid. I wasn’t sure I could face it without Gavin.

“I’m sorry.” An exasperated Marin saw and took him back from Caz. “He’s hungry. We’ll go.”

“No. Gods, no.” I backed toward the door. “Don’t apologize. Use my room, if you like.” I needed to be anywhere without that sound. “I’ll be back.”

They didn’t object as I burst out of the door and into the cave hallway, well-lit by torches lining the walls. Even though Elias had brought me a map of the entire cave system to study, my mind was spinning too quickly for me to remember where I was relative to the main atrium.