Page 89 of Guarding Colton’s Witness

Matti turned. “And what a lucky child that will be.”

Chapter 38

After another busy day in the ER, Ryan came home and nuked a frozen mac and cheese dinner, his go-to when he was too tired to care if he ate healthy or not. He ate because he should, not because he wanted to.

Thinking about the phone call he planned to make tonight had thrown him off his game all day. He’d had to work at concentrating instead of preparing what he was going to say to Matti when he told her he was going to adopt Sam.

Not wanted to. Was going to. Full stop.

He didn’t know just what was involved in adopting a child, but whatever he had to do, he would. The first thing was to find a place to live that was kid friendly. He’d start looking on his next day off.

Before he made that phone call, he jumped in the shower, then grabbed his cell phone and parked himself on the couch. After a deep breath in an effort to calm his nerves, he made the call.

“Ryan, hi,” she said.

“Ah, hi.” He was thrown off at first that she knew it was him calling before he realized she saw his name on her caller ID. His brain wasn’t working so great right now.

Hadn’t she taken Sam to his foster family by now? She didn’t sound sad about that, sounded cheerful, actually. That disappointed him. Didn’t she miss Sam at all? At the same time, just hearing her voice pained his heart. He missed her. So much.

“So…” He blew out a breath. “I want to adopt Sam,” he blurted. He squeezed his eyes shut. That wasn’t what he was supposed to say. He was going to ask if he could come over and talk to her. Do it in person so he could gauge her reaction. Say something, Matti, he thought when she didn’t respond.

Seconds ticked by before she said, “I see. Why don’t you come over, and we can talk about that.”

“All right. Is now a good time?” He tried not to hope that she’d missed him as much as he did her and that was why she wanted to see him. But what was it they said about hope springs eternal? His was springing. The hope was there, in his mind and in his heart. Setting yourself up for more disappointment, man. He scoffed. Disappointment was such a mundane word for what he was feeling.

“Now is perfect.”

“See you in a few.” He disconnected, then stared at his phone’s screen. Why did she sound so agreeable to seeing him? She’d barely looked at him, much less talked to him, the last hours he’d spent with her.

After his shower, he’d put on his comfy jeans and an old concert T-shirt, not really caring how he looked when he talked to her. Suddenly, he cared. He changed into the black jeans he hadn’t worn since picking them up at the cleaners and a white button-down shirt that he tucked in and then rolled up the sleeves. He put his watch back on, slid his wallet into his back pocket, and then picked up his car keys.

Twenty minutes later, he was parked in Matti’s driveway. He sat in the car for a few minutes, giving himself a pep talk. She hadn’t shut him down when he’d blurted his intention to adopt Sam, so that was a good sign, right? Or maybe she’d invited him over so she could laugh in his face at the absurdity of his wanting to do such a thing.

“Just go do it,” he muttered. Fine, the worst that could happen was that she’d tell him he was ridiculous. Didn’t matter if she did. He’d made up his mind that he wanted Sam, and nothing she could say would change it. He wanted her, too, but winning her back was going to be a long game. Jon’s advice to keep showing up, to show her that she could depend on him to be there for her, wasn’t a bad idea. First, though, he had to accomplish plan A before he could start on plan B.

He exited the car and marched with determination up to her door. She must have been watching out the window because the door opened before he could press the doorbell. He thought he was prepared to see her. He’d thought wrong.

She stood in front of him, barefoot and wearing cutoff denim shorts and a red halter top. Her hair was just the way he loved it…messy. He tried to keep his eyes on her face and not drop them down to her bare legs—that he personally knew how silky smooth they were—and the toenails painted bubble-gum pink. He failed. Epically. He swallowed hard.

“Come in,” she said, stepping back.

He jerked his gaze back up to her face. He tried to think of something to say to her besides, “I miss you. I need you. I can’t sleep without you. Can I kiss you?” He’d start on that spot right below her ear where he knew she was sensitive before working his way over to her mouth. He’d… He mentally gave himself a shake, pushing away the dirty thoughts in his head.

Before he said something she didn’t want to hear, he walked past her. Three days ago, he’d been comfortable in this house. Now, not so much. He didn’t know what to do with himself. Should he take a seat on the couch or just stand here in the middle of the living room? He eyed the couch, where he’d cuddled with her while they watched TV. No, he couldn’t sit there, so he’d just stand.

She tilted her head and stared at him. What was she seeing? A man she never wanted to see again after tonight, or a man she’d missed just as much as he had her? Maybe almost as much because there was no way she could possibly hurt the way he did.

“You said you wanted to adopt Sam. Why?”

All right, then. They were going straight to it. No niceties like, how have you been? Well, since you asked, I’m miserable without you, but he wasn’t going to say that. “Because I love him.” Had her eyes softened when he said that? He thought so but feared that was his hope thing going on.

“I see.”

She’d said that on the phone. “See what?”

“That you mean it.”

He frowned. “Of course I do. That’s not something I’d lie about. Are you going to fight me on adopting him?”