Page 77 of Humility

“I’ve got you now. I swear I’ll never let anything come between us again, and I’ll always be here when you need me.” Grabbing the comforter, I pulled it up and kissed her head, holding her tight.

How could I expect her to forgive me when I wasn’t sure I would ever forgive myself?

Chapter Thirty-Five

ANGELO

The rest of the day was an emotional mess. There was no other word for it. I made love to Jasmine three more times, and in between, we talked, or she broke into tears. Fuck, I hated feeling useless. I felt her pain gripping my heart as surely as her hand with each small whimper that passed between her lips.

It was dark when she fell asleep, and I slipped from the bed walking into the bathroom. Closing the door, I turned on the light and stood there as emotions I didn’t understand and couldn’t contextualize flooded my system. Regret, rage, fear, and sadness swirled in my gut, but leading the pack was guilt. I hated leaving for Chicago, but worse, I hated that I cut off contact with the one person I loved. I wasn’t there when she needed me the most.

My knees gave out, and I fell to the floor as I silently screamed. My child, I lost my child, and I wasn’t there. The thought of Jasmine writhing in pain and begging her father for help tormented my mind. Crawling to the edge of the tub, I leaned against it and hung my head as I let the tears fall. I’d only cried once in my life, and it was when I blocked Jasmine. The irony that what brought me to tears then brought me to tears now was not lost on me.

I didn’t hear the door open. I didn’t even see Dario walk in until he sat down beside me. He didn’t say anything and waited for me to speak. I’d never let anyone else see me like this. The son of a Don wasn’t allowed to feel in front of others. It was a life of suffering in silence.

I stumbled over the words like an infant learning to speak as I revealed what Jasmine told me.

“This was all my fault. It was my idea from the start, and it was my idea to cut off contact.” I shook my head as Dario wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “What have I done?” Looking at my friend, I watched a lone tear slide down his cheek. What a pair we made. “I don’t know how to fix this.”

“You can’t fix the past. You made choices that, at the time, you thought were the correct ones. If we could see the future, how much easier life would be,” Dario said, and I knew he was right, yet it didn’t make me feel better. It didn’t make any of this better.

“I hurt her. I told her I loved her and told her I wouldn’t leave. I told her I would protect her, and when she needed me, I wasn’t there.” I stared at my hands, which had seen a different kind of blood, and it was like the stains had reappeared. “I always have a plan, but with this…how do I ask her to forgive me?”

“I don’t have that answer, but I wish I did, for both our sakes.”

Pushing myself off the floor, I locked eyes with my reflection, but the man in the mirror didn’t seem to have the answers either.

“I’ve spent my entire life working to be worthy, and in the end, it was by my hand that I was unworthy. I should cut her and Enzo loose and let them find happiness, but I can’t let her go. I’m a selfish asshole Dario, and I love her too much not to try and put the genie back in the bottle.”

* * *

JASMINE

Angelo flooded my mind as my eyes fluttered open. Turning my head, I knew he wasn’t in here with me. The bed was cold without the warmth of his body. If it weren’t for the fact that I was not in my bed, I would have sworn everything that happened yesterday was a dream.

Every part of me ached as I pushed myself up and took in the massive bedroom I was too angry to appreciate yesterday. It suited Angelo with the masculine colors and large furniture, but what intrigued me were the paintings on the walls. I recognized most of the places from back home and smiled when I spotted a picture of the café that Angelo, Dario, and I had gone to many times growing up. I remembered all too well him throwing struffoli honey balls at me and them getting stuck in my hair. I also recalled when he went and got me my favorite desserts and brought them to me one night after everyone had gone to bed. We stayed up all night fooling around and eating the treats. Enzo knowing what to pick up at the bakery now made sense. I’d stared in the pink box, impressed with his choices, but he had help.

Annoyance settled back in. Angelo had explained some of what happened but still chose not to announce himself. He snuck into my room and sent Enzo to…I didn’t know what his ultimate plan was there.

I stretched as I slipped out of bed and couldn’t say that I didn’t like the aching, but I would keep that to myself. Angelo didn’t need another reason for his head to turn into the Goodyear blimp.

The shower was large and had more heads than people who lived here. It took a minute, but I figured out all the controls and knobs and stepped under the hot spray. Washing myself with his soaps and shampoos felt dangerous, like I needed another reason to be reminded of him all day.

Rinsing off, I searched for clothes and found a large duffel bag open by the closet with some of my things piled on top. The entire bag was full of my stuff. Someone had raided my house, and while normally this would piss me off, considering what else I was angry about, clean clothes were low on the list.

It was stupid, but I was more pissed off that he left me to wake up alone after everything Angelo and I shared and talked about yesterday. Shaking my damp hair, I was ready for another fight and figured I would find him working.

The house was massive, and it took me a second to find the stairs, but as I trotted down, I heard music and talking along with the amazing smell of breakfast. My nerves were getting the better of me, making butterflies flit around with the sound of their voices as I stepped closer to the kitchen door.

There they were: Angelo, Dario, and Enzo. I really wanted to be pissed as they smiled and laughed, but they were all half-naked and wearing aprons as they cooked. It was not helping me stay angry. The shirtlessness was distracting. I didn’t care what people said about being above the physical. When you had three sculpted men cooking in front of you, your brain misfired. I owned that.

“Hey,” I said, and they stopped and stared at me.

Dario slowly smiled, and the look in his eyes tugged at the soft, squishy parts of my heart. Of all of them, I understood him and the position he was in the most, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t still hurt and going to give him a piece of my mind.

“Fuck you are a vision. I can’t stop staring,” Angelo said, and I cocked a brow at him.

“Flattery will not get you back in my good books.” Crossing my arms, I shot him a stern glare.