Page 44 of Fearlessly Us

You think you’re past your prime?

Drew

Shit. Can we pretend I didn’t say that? Jury will disregard or whatever?

Me

I’m a lawyer and even I know the jury disregards nothing.

Drew

Yeah, I’ve always thought that was a stupid thing to say. Do you think maybe you can forget about it for a while?

Me

I can if it’s what you want. But if you ever do want to talk about it, I’m a good problem solver.

Drew

No doubt about it. But if I talked to you, it wouldn’t be because I wanted you to solve my problems.

Me

Then why would you?

Drew

Because I like talking to you. And I really like the sound of your voice.

I suck in a breath as I read Drew’s words over and over again. Wrap them around the part of me that wears responsibility like an old, well-fitting coat. Tuck them in my heart like a talisman of sorts. A reminder that maybe I don’t always have to be the person I’ve always been. And I have the sudden urge to give him back a little of what he just gave me.

Brave, I think.

Me

Hey, Drew?

Drew

Yeah, Catie?

Me

I think maybe I might like you too.

Blowing out a breath, I click off my phone and shove it back into my pocket, those eight words I typed filling me with an odd sort of elation. I might regret them tomorrow, but today they feel perfectly right, and I almost laugh at the joy of it.

“I like seeing you smile.”

Whirling around from my place at the railing, I see my dad standing there, watching me with a smile of his own.

“I smile,” I mutter, embarrassed he caught me essentially grinning out at the front lawn.

Taking a step forward, my dad wraps an arm around me and squeezes. “You do,” he agrees. “But not nearly enough and usually not like that.” Turning me to face him, he puts his hands on my shoulders, studying me intently. “Are you happy, Cait?”

I open my mouth to shrug off the question. To tell him that of course I’m happy. But for some reason, the words won’t come. Instead, I think about periods and pain and surgery. The way I’m not sure how to ask for help. The loneliness I sometimes feel from not letting anyone all the way in and how I sometimes wish I could be someone different than who I am.

But then I think about Drew. About the kiss and the bathroom floor and the way he cooked for me and braided my hair and gave me what I needed without me having to say a word. The way I opened up a part of myself for the first time ever and it felt weird but also, strangely, like coming home. The way he looked at me like I was someone, not because I could solve a problem for him but because he seemed to like me just for me, and that was a kind of revelation. About how I felt when I saw his name on my phone and the way it feels when he looks at me. Touches me. Seems to want me in exactly the same way I think I want him too. Is maybe a little broken, just like me.