Page 76 of For I Have Sinned

“How so?”

“Well, we want them to get the full experience of growing their relationship with God.” He types a few things on the keyboard and then brings his eyes to mine. “Really address the sins that brought them here. In doing so, it will bring them one step closer to serving God.”

I nod slowly. “I see.”

“There isn’t much information I can give you, but Sister Alice and I are handling everything, so you go about with confessionals.” He glances at his laptop screen one more time. “But if all goes well, then maybe next year you can be in charge.”

Without even knowing the details, but I find myself saying, “That sounds good to me.”

But does it? Do I want to be in charge of whatever he is organizing?

Will I even be here in a year?

Asking myself that question makes me pause and reflect.

Before Celine, I never would have wondered if I’d still be a priest in the future. That was the path I was walking, and I was happy with it. But then she came in and flipped my world upside down. She reminded me what it felt like to be with a woman and to have an emotional connection with someone. I hadn’t known I missed it as much as I did until she opened my eyes.

Now, as I sit here planning the future of my priesthood with Father Keaton, I’m unsure if this is the path I want to continue down. The realization hits me like a ton of bricks, and when my eyes focus back on Father Keaton, he is watching me with concern.

“Everything okay?”

“Uhm, yeah.” I shake my head, trying to clear these thoughts. “Sorry, I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Is there something troubling your mind?” He interlocks his fingers together, placing them on the desk.

“Nothing in particular.” I fidget with my hands in my lap. Something is troubling my mind, and I finally know who I need to talk to about it. She will listen without judging me. “Actually, I’ve been missing my mom and I was thinking about making a trip to see her.”

“Family is important, Father Alexander,” he tells me. “If you feel the need to visit her, then do so.”

“With travel time, it might be a few days.”

“The extent of your trip isn’t an issue. I know you moved your whole life out here to join this convent. You deserve a break.” He flashes me a warm smile.

“Me leaving wouldn’t ruin these plans, right?” I ask.

“No.” He dismisses the question with his hand. “I’m not planning on carrying this out until the end of October. I need to get everything… situated before we do this.”

“Okay.” I nod. “Okay, yeah. I think I’ll book a flight to leave early tomorrow morning. Is that alright?”

“Good. That’s a fine idea,” he beams. “Please tell Lillian I said hello, and I hope she is doing well.”

“I will.” I smile. “Is there anything else we need to discuss?”

“No, that was it.”

Standing from my chair, I tell him goodbye, and when I turn to leave, Joanna is walking up to the door.

“Joanna, how are you?” I ask kindly.

“Good, Father Alexander,” she responds with a flush to her cheeks.

I dip my head and make my way past her because I don’t want to be around for what is about to happen. Leaving them behind, I walk down the hall, stopping in my office to grab my phone to book a flight home.

Once the ticket is secure, I tuck my phone into the pocket of my slacks and begin to figure out how to tell Celine that I’ll be gone for a few days.

I decided to go back to my room, to do what, I’m not sure. It felt better coming here instead of waiting in my office for Celine’s lesson to end. Especially since Father Keaton and Joanna were in the room next to mine.

At the reminder, it makes me wonder why Joanna isn’t in her lesson this morning. Did Father Keaton excuse her from class for the day? Seeing as he can do whatever he wants, I’m sure that’s probably it.