Page 88 of Break Me Not

She trailed off toward the end, but I knew what she meant.

“To build one of your own. I get it.”

She looked at me with a new light in her eyes. “You do?”

“I may be older now, but… I have always wanted more than one child. When I got divorced, I thought that that dream went down the drain but…” I gave her a long, lingering look. “Maybe not. But that's the beauty of it, right? That we can figure out what works best for us?”

“Right. You’re right.”

She reached forward again, bringing me into her arms. Her happiness was infectious, and I was just glad that she was feeling better.

“Now come on,” I said, still not pushing her away. “We still need to get you lunch.”

She reluctantly pulled away from me, but there was a pep in her step when she walked.

And to me, for the first time in my life, it felt like things were going in the right direction.

Like I was finally with the right person.

Jax

“This is it?” I asked as I ran my hand through her hair.

Liz was lying on my lap, and we were under a shaded tree, looking at the people walking through Central Park.

We had gotten some snacks and a nonalcoholic fizzy drink at an organic grocery store, and we had decided to just sit, eat, and people-watch.

I'd been pushing Liz for more ideas on what to do for dates, and this was what she’d decided on.

“This is it,” she answered, turning so that she was facing up and looking at the tree above us. “You asked me to choose something I’d never done before, and this is it. Tell me, can you imagine him ever doing this with me?”

“No,” I said. I didn’t even need to consider it. “I can’t.”

She closed her eyes, her face so clearly at peace.

I couldn’t believe how lucky I was.

She was so gorgeous. So down to earth. And so understanding. She had met all the challenges in her life and added mine without even blinking. I was so worried about her meeting my mother and running away because of it that I hadn’t thought about what would happen after.

I hadn’t thought of blurting out about marriage and kids even though it had always been at the back of my mind. More than a societal thing, it was something I’d always wanted.

Once my mom found me and took me in, it was the best experience of my life. She gave me the warmth of a family I’d never known. I just wish we had found each other sooner.

To imagine a warm house, filled with voices and laughter, with love flowing easily between all of us, where no one would ever have to walk on eggshells or wonder if the next day would be the day someone finally decided they were sick of you…

Even as I tried to keep it bundled up inside me, I’d still gotten excited about it and let myself believe it could become a reality.

The thought of having my own family went up in flames when I found out about my mother's diagnosis. As awful as it might sound, I knew that if I wanted to be present in her life, it was highly unlikely that I could date, find someone compatible, or even ever have the time or energy to have children.

But Liz was different in every way. I knew with her I stood the chance of making dreams come true. And if she was willing to build this life with me, it might actually work out.

With her, things had changed. There was no rush. I had time to figure everything out. I had time to live my life without meeting everyone else's expectations or feeling like I was constantly drowning in guilt for not being there enough for my mother.

I could choose to have kids. I could choose not to. I had her. I wasn't doing this alone.

Going from rushing every day of my life to make more money and get more clients to having time to be in the park on a cute little date with the woman I’d wanted from the moment I saw her and had been crazy about for years was something I never thought possible.

Things were quiet. My men had been with me for a long time, and I trusted them, and there hadn't been a sign of any issues. Not even from Liz’s douche ex.