Page 75 of Catnapped

“I throw him into lava pools for fun,” Lucifer announced with pride. “She’s done excellent work with him. She’s at least two or three years ahead of schedule. Of course, he has been an active participant on that front. In some ways, I think he wants to be converted even more than she wants to convert him, and that says a lot.”

“I would say they are about equal on that score,” He replied with a chuckle. “Easter was entertaining, but I have to say, this is something else. I added gifts to the living room, although I’m concerned we will run out of space. Attack and Snack are rather displeased their domain has been filled with presents.”

“They will survive. They’ll just curse at us a little,” I replied with a chuckle of my own. “We can put more gifts in that sitting room thing Darian wanted.”

“It is a cigar parlor,” my husband-to-be announced in a solemn tone.

“You don’t even smoke. Or drink. Yet you have boxes of cigars and a ridiculous number of Scotch bottles in there. There are liquors other than Scotch, Darian.”

“I haven’t bought all of the Scotches I want yet.”

“You don’t even drink.”

“They’re pretty, and I like the bottles. And if someone comes over who likes Scotch, I will be prepared.”

Men. “We can put any extra gifts in the cigar parlor.”

“We can also put them in the billiard room if needed.”

That room would be the death of me—or the ultimate destroyer of my lingerie. For some damned reason, I couldn’t resist when he challenged me to a game of pool, but I couldn’t play the game to save my life—or keep my panties. “No. The overflow can go into the family dining room because we’re using that damned hall Lucifer insisted we have.”

There was no way in hell I’d be putting any gifts in that room, especially not when I had to look my parents in the eye and pretend we spent most of our time playing pool instead of me paying out the consequences of my inevitable losses. At the rate we went, I would have to buy new lingerie soon, as Darian left no survivors in his wake.

Darian snickered, then he dared to leer at me. “I wonder why.”

“Evil,” I hissed at him before marching for the front door, where chaos brewed in the form of my parents discovering that holy hell would forever have a new meaning for them.

I suspected Lucifer had gotten to Ra and dressed him up, as the divine wore a suit that made it clear he was a prime specimen. The petite woman hanging off his arm, with pale hair and darker skin, wore a buckskin dress decorated with silvery symbols of the moon in all of its phases.

Menily. I’d heard about Bailey’s divine mother, a moon goddess worshipped by the Cahuilla. At least one Cahuilla band still existed in California, although I had no idea if they still believed in her.

My mother and father gaped at the divine pair with wide eyes, and to add to the fun, we had an unexpected guest in the form of the pastor of their church and his wife. I raised my hand and covered my mouth, wondering how I’d handle that.

I bet the pastor had come to crash the dinner party and try to save my soul. Again. Probably through drowning me. Turning, I called, “Lucy?”

The Devil strode through my home and joined me. “Don’t worry about it. Darian knows they’re coming, so there’s enough food for everybody. To keep my father happy, I’m skewing to slightly good splashed with a little evil today. I’ll handle this part of the introductions.”

He walked out and stood beside me, His stance relaxed, although something in His eyes warned me trouble brewed on the horizon.

“Ra, it’s nice to meet you again,” Lucifer said, before turning on the charm and smiling at Bailey’s mother. “And you are just radiant as always, Menily. I am delighted to welcome you to my home—and the home of my esteemed secretary.”

It amused me the Devil opted to go for our usual introduction routine, which we used to put those new to us at ease. I waved. “I’m Diana, but I’ve learned to respond to esteemed secretary as needed. I’ll also be the one who responds to the various calls for help if you become overwhelmed. I regret to say we’re a little short on soot and lava today.” I held out my hand I giggled at the falling snow. “I hope a winter wonderland doesn’t bother you. This is actually my home, but you know how Lucifer gets.”

Menily’s laughter chimed, similar to an archangel’s, but somehow brighter and more soothing, as though she could heal the entire world of all its sins with the power of her joy alone. “You are Lucy’s precious new filly!”

Well, that was a cat out of the bag. “I’m more of a nightmare, but precious new filly sounds so nice, gentle, and sweet.”

My parents spluttered, and the pastor made choking noises.

The pastor’s wife smirked, and when I glanced her way, her smirk eased to a knowing smile and a shrug.

How interesting. I made a mental note to ask Lucifer about the pastor’s pretty wife, who fit the general trophy bride stereotype to a disturbing degree.

Lucifer joined Menily in laughing. “Your daughter and granddaughters are in the back playing with the horses, so if you want to go see them, you have time before dinner.”

Ra held onto his beloved long enough to give her a kiss before sending her off with a rumbling chuckle. I pointed to the most direct path to get to the back of the house, and Menily ran off with the same general enthusiasm as the fillies romping in the snow. “Please forgive her. We rarely have a full day with our daughter and our grandchildren, so she’s been very excited about this visit. This is one of the few places where our lights always shine together.”

Well, well, well. “You have my phone number, Ra. I have to goose Lucy for a guest house, anyway, as I keep getting unexpected guests. If you need some time to see your wife, you can come visit.”