Page 76 of Catnapped

Ra’s smile matched the brilliance of the sun. “There are few presents Menily would enjoy more than that. Thank you.”

One Egyptian contained, the entirety of the Christian pantheon to go. “The grandchildren might learn some bad habits from the Four Horses they’re currently playing with. Kanika is attempting to supervise, but it’s fairly chaotic back there. You might want to go join them.”

Ra’s smile broadened to a grin. “I shall do that.”

He disappeared, and it intrigued me he did so without any light at all.

“He caught a sunbeam,” Lucifer explained. “It’s a different sort of teleportation, and it doesn’t have bursts like the rest. Sunlight is reflecting from the windows of your home, so he transferred himself through those beams to your backyard.”

“Damn it, Ra!” Menily burst out.

“He opted to manifest in front of his wife so she ran right into him, and now he is rolling her in the snow, as he caught her around the corner and there aren’t many watchful eyes.” Lucifer smirked, and he gave the pastor his undivided attention. “In case you haven’t figured it out yet, pastor, I’m Lucifer. You may have heard of me. The Lord of Hell. The Lord of Lies, the Fallen One.”

He snorted, stepping beside me and leaning over to whisper, “The most annoying yet somehow most loved of my sons, but there is no telling him that for some reason.”

I loved the Christian pantheon’s delightfully twisted family. I whispered back, “You had something to do with that, you know.”

“I love those who have the courage to actually talk to me rather than just confess their sins or act like I only exist to forgive them.” His words, while spoken in a whisper, somehow captured the attention of my parents and the pastor.

The pastor’s wife stepped up to the devil, smiled, and dipped into a curtsy.

How very interesting.

Lucifer held out his hand, and when she took it, he kissed the back of her hand. “Don’t you just have the prettiest manners? Is it not amazing how such a pious woman can lead the so-called devout straight into temptation?”

“Lucifer,” He warned. “We are trying to be polite hosts today. You can be an impolite host to that one later. Little one, do go to the main house and see Darlene. She can take care of you before dinner, and I will attend to some of your problems personally.”

“Off you go,” Lucifer murmured, and he touched the woman’s cheek in a gentle caress, and she vanished in the brimstone I associated with the Devil utilizing his power. “As it seems I’m not going to be permitted to eviscerate you at my leisure, welcome to my many hells. You’ll get to enjoy your stay today, but should you ever raise your hand to one of mine ever again, your soul will never leave the darkest pits of my many hells—and I will let Diana have a turn with you. Let me tell you there is little worse than the pain of the most holy of fires eating away at your bones here.” With fire dancing in his eyes, the Devil gestured to his father. “This is my father, and I will not mind my manners should you upset Him today.”

The pastor’s eyes bulged at the disappearance of his wife, but upon hearing who the Devil introduced, he paled to a ghostly white.

He chuckled. “I come here for Christmas once, and you are out to scare the sin right out of the future residents. This is a time of celebration and family. They are guests.”

“For the moment,” Lucifer growled.

He smiled at my parents. “Please do not mind my son. He has a difficult time accepting my fatherly love, and your lovely Diana has forced him to show his better side, more than he is comfortable with. He is even at high risk of liking it. While this is your daughter’s home, allow me to be the one to welcome you inside and wish you a most merry Christmas.”

“Who are you?” my mother blurted.

“I am who I am,” He replied, “But you may call me YHWH.” He paused, and with the faintest of smiles, he spelled it as modern humans might, as Yahweh. “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt to give you the land of Canaan.” I remembered YHWH from the scripts, spelled in only consonants in the original Hebrew version of the bible, a key foundational difference in the forbidden lore I’d read versus the bible most people read—and worshipped. When He spoke His name, he did so with a slight emphasis on the final sound, as though implying His name might be short but it would endure.

Before the pastor or my parents could recover, He said, “Four of you came, but only one is worthy to stand before me, sacrificing so that others would not be sacrificed. Of the three of you who remain, two might find a way back into my light. One of you walks through the valley of the shadow of death, but I will not be with you, for I do not forgive the unforgivable.”

My eyes widened, and Lucifer met my gaze and lifted a finger to his lips. Then, the Devil turned his stare onto my parents. “Your future son-in-law works in the kitchen. Perhaps it would be wise if you were to go see if he needs any help. You have seen what you need to see this day.”

My father, as though in a trance, headed for the door. I worried at his jerky stride, but I said nothing.

The Devil never acted without reason.

My mother lifted her chin. “Is it true, what I believe?”

With a softening expression, Lucifer regarded my mother while He engaged the pastor in a staring contest. “You would ask the Lord of Lies for the truth?”

It took courage to face a divine and bear the burden of his full attention, and my mother erased my misconceptions of her strength when she stood taller in the presence of the Devil. “I saw your kindness. So yes, I would ask the Lord of Lies for the truth.”

“What you believe is true.”

Fury turned my mother’s face red, and she turned to the pastor of the church she’d dutifully obeyed all of my life, slapped the bastard so hard his head snapped to the side, and drove her knee directly into his groin before palming her fist and driving her elbow into the back of his neck.