Page 37 of Catnapped

“Beyond keep them and be overrun with cats?” Darian shrugged. “There are worse fates.”

“Being overrun with cats is a concern,” I confessed. “My house is not big enough for an entire murder of kittens.”

“I don’t think a group of cats is called a murder.”

The Devil laughed. “No, it’s not, but frankly, if you’re late with their supper, there will be a murder, so it’s the most accurate statement regarding cats I’ve heard in a long time. Have fun, children. Go off and rescue your new family of cats before you go lab diving. I’ll leave the scanner in your vehicle, and I’ll even be a generous being and prepare their milk and use some magic to keep it the right temperature until needed. That’s on the house, mainly because I don’t want to hear any damned crying over your murder of kittens today, and if you have to figure out how to warm their milk while off in the middle of nowhere, there will be crying. It’ll be the frustrated sort of crying, but I’ve had enough weeping for one week.”

I could make a guess what had gotten the Devil riled up. “Darlene got upset about the cancer and cried, didn’t she?”

“It’s like you’ve met my wife before. There is very little in the universe I cannot handle with grace. My wife crying is one of those things. My daughter crying is another one of those things. Fortunately, my wife and daughter usually cry from frustration, but I’ve learned my lesson: my wife will not learn about the kittens until they’re happily in your custody, so they don’t end up in my custody.”

I grinned. “She’d make you rescue and keep them, wouldn’t she?”

“And a lot of the pets we have in our house are immortal pets who will not die of natural causes until my darling breathes her last. It amuses me that my darling has not quite realized the extent of her lifespan at this point in time. When she figures it out, I am sure she will be extra vicious when she gets her hands on me. I’m looking forward to it.”

Of course. The Devil was an eternal pervert. That much I’d figured out on my own. “You owe me for taking the cats so you don’t have to. Make it something good, and since Darian has to help care for these cats, he is owed as well.”

“Clever girl.” The Devil vanished, leaving me with a mess of cat carriers.

I checked inside each one until I found a frightening number of nursing bottles and enough formula to sink a battleship. “How many kittens are in this litter?”

Darian counted bottles. “I’m guessing thirteen.”

“That poor momma. So many mouths to feed!” I grabbed two of the carriers and left the formula out where the Devil could make use of it. “Move it, Darian. We have kittens to rescue.”

The broken ruins of a greenhouse drew me to a halt, and Darian locked onto the utility shed nearby. “Hey, Darian? Do you think that greenhouse was for drug operations?”

“Definitely, and it was probably built to grow marijuana. It loves the mountains up here, so they’d be able to set up a good operation around here. It would make for a decent cover story if nobody looked too carefully at the place.” He opened the door, and something inside hissed. “Goodness, she’s fluffy. And matted. And angry.”

“Well, you’re near her kittens.” I hurried over and peeked into the shed while Darian checked the place over with a flashlight. The cat, a pale-coated fluffy, matted mess, cowered in a corner with a bunch of furry wiggly bodies surrounding her.

Bye-bye, heart. Hello, vet bill for fourteen or so felines.

“I’m going to need a really big raise to take care of these cats,” I muttered, grimacing at the filth covering the floor. “And a new pair of shoes. I don’t even want to think about what I’m stepping in. I’m going to end up bargaining away my soul for clean clothes. And that’s with these stupid booties on. Obviously, whatever is on this floor is going to eat through the booties.”

“I’m more concerned with how to catch the cat without the cat tearing us a new one,” he replied.

I handed my extra carrier over to Darian and stepped deeper into the shed. “Close the door behind me so she can’t escape. This looks intact enough it shouldn’t be easy for her to get out, right?”

“Here’s hoping.”

The cat carriers would need to be purified, preferably with fire, after touching the shed’s floor, but I’d cross that bridge later, after I caught the cat and herded her kittens. With luck, I could fit everyone inside one carrier temporarily, separating them only as needed while driving.

“Poor sweetheart,” I cooed to the animal, opening the door and pointing the interior in her general direction. “Darian, arm yourself with a carrier or two and basically stand behind me, so she hopefully won’t go past us. I’d like to get her into the carrier first, then we’ll move the kittens in.”

“She looks exhausted and thin. I doubt she’s going to put up much of a fight.”

Beneath her matted fur, I suspected he was right. Careful to keep my movements slow and smooth, I approached, set the carrier on the ground, and waited to see what she would do.

The cat limited her protests to hisses and trying her best to keep between us and her kittens. While shoveling the cat and kittens into the carrier bothered me, the tactic worked. I risked life and limb to scoop the extra kittens into their containment vessel, earning several scratches and a bite for my efforts. Everybody fit into one carrier, and I worried at how little the momma cat seemed to weigh.

“I hope Lucifer is bringing food for her,” I muttered, grimacing at the filth on my gloved hands and my arms. “And possibly antibiotics to keep me from catching my death. I don’t want to catch my death.”

“I’m sure Lucifer will take care of your health once you’re done contracting various diseases rescuing these cats.” Darian took the carrier from me and hauled the hissing momma and her mewling babies out of the shed. “It seems he really wants us to find this lab, as I couldn’t help but notice there’s a suspicious square in the floor that you uncovered shuffling around to get to the kittens. By directing you to the cats, he probably made it so we could find that rather suspicious square.”

I checked, and sure enough, I spotted an indentation in the floor in the shape of a trap door. “That is going to be so gross lifting that up.”

Grunting, he shouldered through the door and waited for me to follow. “There’s a crowbar near the door, so it should be all right. I’m going to bathe in sanitizer later, though.”