Page 64 of Love with a Notorious Rake

“Good. You probably wish I was there and all. If we see each other out on the cobbles, I’ll act a stranger. Goodbye, Aidan.”

A sharp rap on the door interrupted their conversation. “Aidan! Open this door! I’ll stand here all night if I must.”

Cristyn. He ran to the door, flung it open, and pulled her across the threshold. “Are you mad making such a ruckus?” he admonished. “Why are you here?”

“You left before things were settled, an annoying habit of yours, and—oh.” Her gaze settled on Delaney. “You. The man with the knife.” Her gaze pivoted to Aidan. “What is going on here?” Her tone was even, not shocked, merely questioning.

“You’re the woman at the clinic.” Delaney looked between them. “Ah, it is like that, then? The air is fairly crackling between you. I came to apologize. It was accepted. Now I’ll leave.”

Delaney gave them a slight nod and departed. Aidan closed the door and locked it, then turned to face Cristyn. “Done with your medical call?”

“Mrs. Barton was experiencing false labor.”

“We shouldn’t be alone together in my room. Isn’t that what was decided?”

“Blast it! We need to talk, and we’ll do it here.”

“As you have witnessed, my past is not pleasant.”

She placed her hands on her hips. “I’m aware of it, Aidan. You’re not the only young man with a dismal past to pass through the sanatorium doors.” Cristyn stepped closer, tentatively, as if she were approaching a skittish horse—which he supposed he was.

“You sold yourself for money. I’m assuming to buy opium. That was not part of the tattle. When you mentioned your grandfather’s name, the pieces of your past fell into place. I’m a nurse, Aidan. I’ve heard and seen things you would not believe. I’m not easily shocked.” She gently laid her hand against his chest. As always, her touch scorched him, from his skin inward. “You must stop running when emotions overwhelm you. It’s no doubt part of the reason you became lost in the dark.”

Aidan marched to the bureau, opened the drawer, and grasped the opium. Once he stood before her, he opened his clenched fist. “Apparently the dark still beckons. I bought this from a shifty character last night, and spent the next several hours wrestling the demons that still clamor inside me.” His voice shook. Admitting his weaknesses had his insides twisting into knots.

“But you didn’t take it,” she whispered, staring up at him. “You need to start believing in yourself. Look at what you’re doing at the mill. You have a purpose in life. You can and will make a difference. The demons are part of your past. They don’t have to be part of your future. Don’t be ashamed of your struggle.”

Cristyn cupped his cheek. “You don’t have to stay in the dark anymore, Aidan. There are people who love you. Worry for you. Care if you live or die. You have the courage. I’ve witnessed it. You came back from the brink of destruction through sheer willpower. Do you realize how close you were to death?” Her words were tenderly spoken, and touched him deeply.

“Yes, but it was you, Cristyn. I wouldn’t have made it if not for you.” His voice cracked on the last few words.

She gave him a shy smile. “I may have assisted, but the decision to recover was yours to make. And this may be surprising to hear, but you are still recovering. It’s why you’re finding it difficult to handle certain situations.”

“You speak the truth. Take this and dispose of it.” Aidan handed the cloth ball to her and she tucked it away in her reticule.

“You will beat this, but it won’t be easy. Remember to seek help from those who care.”

“No more running?”

“Exactly. And don’t run from what is between us, Aidan. If we’re to have a brief dalliance, I accept the terms gladly. I wanted you to know it.”

“I don’t deserve you. I’ve called you my angel of mercy, and you are.” He took her hand and kissed it. “You are wise and kind and I thank you for your compassionate counsel.”

“And Delaney?”

“He followed me here because he was concerned. I offered him money to leave; he refused. He claims he doesn’t mean me harm, but I remain wary.”

“He cares for you,” she whispered. “Perhaps more than he should.”

“I told him in no uncertain terms there could be nothing between us.” Aidan filled her in on Delaney’s position collecting rent from the stocking makers, and the fact the job would be short-lived.

“Why short-lived?” Cristyn asked.

He took her hand and they sat on the edge of his bed. He told her of the contents of his father’s letter. “My time here is near an end. I want to take another run at Rokesmith, see if he will reveal the secrets I know he is keeping.”

Cristyn’s expression was reflective. “I am in love with you, Aidan. I think I may have been from the beginning. No man has ever made me feel the way you do. Falling for a patient? It is against everything I believe in.”

She loved him. It humbled him, but also made him anxious. How could he return the sentiment when everything was still unresolved, including his wayward emotions? For Cristyn had spoken the truth: He was not fully recovered. Aidan remained silent, but squeezed her hand gently. “I want to tell you what I remember of those last months. But before that, I want to tell you of the egocentric rake.” In a firm voice, he told her of the numerous affairs, the drinking, and the parties. He held nothing back. To her credit, she listened, and did not judge.