Page 60 of This Time Around

“Hey, B.”

“Ap, I’m sorry. I should have never hid my feelings from you. I told myself, I told Luke, Ana told me more times than I can count that I should have told you before anything happened. It wasn’t planned, but the writing was on the wall.”

“Shit happens, B. I was just feeling more shut out than anything else.” Her voice is ragged, like she might cry.

“I wasn't trying to shut you out, I was trying to avoid making you uncomfortable.”

“I realize that now,” she confirms.

“April, while we’re talking I need to get something off my chest.”

“Ok.”

“You said you’d pick him, and you implied I’m not family too, but to me you are my family. You’re the closest thing I have to one. I’ve spent holidays, birthdays, and random nights eating dinner with your family, doing all the things families do. It stung Ap.”

“B,” she sobs on the other line. “B, you are my family. I was so scared to lose you that I said that without thinking. The fear of the unknown was too much for me to register. I am so fucking sorry, B”

I change the call to FaceTime.

“I need to see your face.” I laugh.

“Shit, B. I’ve missed you so much. Are you ok? I know shit went sideways, Mom said Luke’s staying at their house.”

I hesitate for a second, but I know I have to let her in, let her see our relationship.

“No, I’m a mess.” I take a deep breath, “I love him, April.”

“Then what are you guys doing?”

“He said things that hurt me, and I got pissed and left.”

She laughs, “Yeah, you do that sometimes, but he shouldn’t say dumb shit either. The sooner you realize this is a fight and not the end, the better off you will be.”

I take a moment, the weight of her words settling in. She’s right, of course. But April’s the one who’s always seen the bigger picture, even when I can’t.

“I don’t know,” I whisper, my voice faltering. “It’s just… so hard, you know? I want to believe things will be okay, but right now, it feels like everything’s falling apart.”

“You’re stronger than this, B. You’ve made it through worse. And he’s not going anywhere. Trust me.”

I nod, but the uncertainty still gnaws at me. The thought of what comes next is terrifying. But maybe, just maybe, I can trust her words. Trust that what we have is worth fighting for. “Maybe you’re right.”

April’s response gives me a reassuring little nudge, “You’re gonna be okay. Go get him back, B. But don’t make it too easy.”

My shoulders are tense, and my feet feel like lead as I turn the corner, finishing my run. Between missing the L&L event tonight, not talking to Luke, and the thought of being in the same room as Cash all night, I’m a wreck.

What the hell do I wear tonight? Baseball facility celebration at a house doesn’t really call for a night out kind of outfit. Unable to decide, I pick up my phone to call Ana. It rings a few times, and I think it’s about to go to voicemail when she answers.

“Hey,” her voice is loud over the music in the background.

I look at the clock, and it’s only 5:30. The party isn’t supposed to start for another two hours.

“Sorry, are you pre-gaming?” I ask.

“Sorry, hang on for a second. I can’t hear you.” She moves and I can hear her footsteps on the floor as the sound of the music fades. “Sorry, Knox is blaring music while he is setting up the tables and shit.”

“Oh,” I laugh. “What the hell are you wearing tonight? I don’t know what to wear to this kind of event.”

“Well, I don’t think the leather maternity yoga jumper I have on will suit you.” She chuckles. “But I have it paired with a low cut sheer top and my boots. Nothing too fancy, but I’m trying to have what little sex appeal I can for Knox.”