Page 82 of Coming Clean

And why should he? Whyshould he do anything I ask when I treat him like I don’t trusthim. Instead of listening to theself-critical voice, Jeremy let anger build inside him. “You choseto go out with me. I didn’t force you.”

Connor turned to him,snarling. “Fuck that.”

Jeremy wished he could takethe words back. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m all mixed up rightnow.”

“Are you honestly sayingyou’d have kept going out with me if I’d insisted we keep thingssecret, if I’d refused to go out in public?” Connor sounded soangry and the way he was looking at Jeremy now, like he hated him,made Jeremy sick inside.

“I don’t—”

“I did what you wanted meto do. I let you set the rules, let you be in charge. I tried to bethe man you wanted. And you couldn’t even let me know that it mighthave all been for nothing because you were leaving.”

Anger raced through Jeremyheating him up and taking away all his good judgment. “For nothing?Seriously? Being honest about who you are is fornothing?”

“Maybe I just want to livein my world, not yours where people think I’m an idiot because Idon’t have PhD after my name. If they had any fucking clue what I’ddone in the Marines, what Marines are out there doing every fuckingday—”

“Wait. I’ve neverthought—”

“I’d like to believe thatbut whether you do or not, your friends do.”

“Which friends?” Jeremyasked, baffled. “Not David. He’s protective but he admires whatyou’ve done with your business.”

“The assholes at your partydon’t.” Hurt shone in Connor’s eyes.

Angela had said she’drescued Connor from Ash. Goddammit! “Those men at the party are notmy friends. Angela is my friend, and she thought you wereawesome.”

“Maybe she does, but itdoesn’t change things. I’m not meant to live in yourworld.”

Jeremy couldn’t contain hisanger at Connor’s assumption. “My world? I never… If you’d saidsomething you wanted to do, I would have been fine with it. I wasjust making suggestions for us. Except for tonight. I had to go andI thought… I wanted… Obviously, I made a mistake.”

“Yeah, you did. I told youI couldn’t be the man you wanted and now you’ve seen it inaction.”

Jeremy wanted to fuckingkill Ash. He wished he could go back and change the whole eveningbut he couldn’t. “What about you? Who do you want tobe?”

Connor shrugged, his eyesglistening. Holy fuck, if he started to cry Jeremy was done for.He’d just open his heart right there and bleed all over Connor’scarpet. He didn’t want their relationship to be over, and he sureas hell didn’t want to have wrecked it because he’d been too scaredto be honest. David had told him to tell Connor. He should havelistened.

“I don’t know who I want tobe,” Connor said. “I don’t even know who I am. Ever since I leftthe military, I’ve been lost.”

Jeremy felt lost rightthen. What could he say? How the fuck could he make this right?“You built up your own business.”

“Yeah, but that’s justwork. Work is something I know how to do. Talking to people,relating to people, that’s where I fuck up.”

Me too.Maybe that’s why this is sodifficult. “You talked tome.”

“I guess I didn’t say theright things, though.” Jeremy hated the bitterness in Connor’svoice.

“Connor—”

“You should take thejob.”

No, don’t push meaway. “I don’t think I wantto.”

“It’s a great opportunity.I just wish you’d told me about it.” Connor sounded resigned, andthat was worse than anger. This couldn’t be the end.

Please don’t let me havescrewed up a chance at something meaningful.“Look, I just—”

“When will you get a chancelike this again?”

“Never, and I don’t think Icare.” Maybe this was just what Jeremy needed to help him see thathe wanted to be a writer more than a professor.