Page 39 of Coming Clean

“Maybe one day. Butseriously, you could’ve given me a heart attack withthat.”

“But you said you’dnoticed,” he protested.

“I’d seen you look atJeremy like you wanted to eat him, and I’d never seen you take aserious interest in a woman, but that does not mean I was preparedfor you to go all porn mouth on me.”

“That washardly—”

Sabrina waved him off.“Just keep going.”

“Fine. When I finished athis house today, Jeremy asked me to stay for a drink.”

“You skipped the part abouthow you were all snuggled up at the play.”

Connor suppressed a growl.“We were not.”

“His hand was on your leg,your hand was on his, and you were whispering.”

That was hardly snuggling.“He was telling me what was going on.”

“He was flirting and youwere flirting back.”

Connor narrowed his eyes ather as something clicked in his mind. “Wait a minute. Did you setme up for that?”

Sabrina gave him a look ofwide-eyed innocence. “What? Me? Of course not.”

“Sabrina.”

“Like I said, I saw how youtwo looked at each other and I was curious what would happen if youspent time in close quarters.”

Connor sighed. “That mighthave been a good idea if I hadn’t ended up acting like a fuckingidiot.”

“Tell me the rest,” Sabrinademanded. “Jeremy asked you to stay and…”

“We started talking and I…”Connor stopped. Sabrina’s relationship with Mario was complicated.He didn’t want to upset her by mentioning him when he didn’t haveto, but he didn’t have any other way to explain his behavior withJeremy. “I told him about your brother, about trying to convincehim to get out when I did.”

Sabrina nodded, no longersmiling, her face once again frighteningly pale.

“I lost myself in mymemories, and Jeremy tried to comfort me. He just put a hand on myshoulder, nothing too forward, but when I looked up at him… Iwanted him so badly. I touched him. I almost kissed him, but thenwhen I realized I’d given myself away, I ran.” Connor sighed,annoyed with himself. “Yes, I survived four years of spec ops but Iran from a professor.”

“Why did you run?” Sabrinaasked.

Connor started to answerand then realized he wasn’t completely sure. There was more to hisfear than simply admitting he was gay. “He makes me feel things Idon’t want to feel.”

“Like lust?”

Connor shook his head. “No,I’ve accepted that I like men. I haven’t been able to admit it toanyone but you and well… obviously the men I’ve been with, but withJeremy… there’s more than just the need to… well, youknow.”

“Fuck?”

Connor nodded, his cheeksfeeling like they were on fire.

“Don’t go all shy on menow,” Sabrina said. “What happened when he came over?”

“I was so embarrassed Ialmost didn’t answer the door, but I invited him in and things gotout of hand.”

“Obviously.”

“Afterwards, I was somessed up I couldn’t even talk. Jeremy was angry and… I think hewas hurt too. He had every right to be. He took a risk with me andI treated him like shit.”