Page 47 of Sunset Catchers

“Okay. That wasn’t that bad.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. Like a mild three on a scale of one to ten.”

Did it bring up some of my fear that if I ever chose to have kids, I’d turn into my mother and scar my children for life? Yes, of course.

But was it really just a blip of a thought versus the full-on self-induced reflecting spiral I thought it would bring up? Also, yes.

Yay for progress! I do grow girl.

Levi nods, seeming to have gained new clarity on who exactly he is dealing with. I’m unsure of how the jury is going to vote on that one. I realize then; I do want to be friends with Levi. I care what he thinks about me. Of course, I do.

“I can work with that scope.”

Air rushes out of my lungs with relief. “Do you have any off-limits subjects that might trigger some of your childhood traumas and induce a bout of self-loathing that makes you want to cry in the shower while the water mixes with your tears so you can pretend you’re not crying?”

I clamped my mouth shut, cutting the torrent of words rolling out without my permission. I had no hold on them, whatsoever.

I feel hot all over; my armpits are overheating. What is it about Levi that instills in me the go-ahead to overshare? Do blue eyes hold superpowers that I’m not aware of? Or am I just this starved for attention?

A corner of my ego just got chipped off.

“No,” he confirms what I suspected, looking a touch sadder.

“Just me, then? Cool.” So, this is very embarrassing. I should probably, like, dig myself a hole and crawl into it.

“Is that really how you feel?”

I shrug. But then think, who needs ego anyway?

“Kind of, yes. But not the part about crying in the shower. That’s too pathetic even for me. I haven’t done that in weeks.”

“Jeez, Win. That’s a lot.”

“I know. And I should heave out a warning: I am a lot. I’ve tried to be less than a lot, but I can’t. It’s just how I’m wired.”

Cue the montage of memories of a much younger Winnie, trying her very best to make herself quieter and smaller. Softer. If only I’d been born with a milder character, maybe my relationship with my mother would’ve been better.

Levi’s lips part, but I cut him off, anxious to say the next part. “I really tried being as easy breezy as a summery wind, but I’m just not. So consider this my tornado warning. Just so you know which way the wind is blowing.”

“Tornado warning?”

“Yes. I am a natural disaster. And damage might come to your life and property in my wake.” Levi eyes me sharply. I freeze my muscles in place to keep from showing just how nervous he’s making me.

“Good thing I have a solid insurance plan, then.”

My laugh erupts from my nose.

“That was sort of terribly sweet.”

“I know, sorry,” he admits sheepishly. “That’s where I’m at. I will respect your boundaries. But if ever you do want to talk about anything, I’m here. People have told me I am a great listener.”

Ignoring the offer that makes the dumb organ living in my chest cavity trip a little, I say, “Who told you that and when?”

“Me, just now. And since I am part of the people, I think it counts,” he says, throwing back to me the exact words I said to him last night on the beach.

Forget tripping, my heart stumbles flat on his face. I did not I found it so attractive, to be quoted back like this.