Page 70 of Forever My Lass

His daughter stiffened against him, and his fingers gently tipped her chin up so she was forced to meet his gaze. She blinked rapidly in an obvious effort to fight back tears.

“How can ye love me if I am why Màthair died?”

“What?” Iain’s head jerked to one side in astonishment as he stared down at her. “I dinnae understand, lass.”

“I heard ye tell Angus a long time ago that màthair was nae strong enough deliver two bairns.” A small hiccup escaped the girl as she bowed her head. “I ken then that if I had nae been born, Màthair would still be here for ye and Grace.”

Stunned, Iain stared down at his youngest in horrified disbelief. When had he ever said such a thing to Angus? If he had, he was certain it had not been said in the context Ainslie had come to believe. With a sharp shake of his head, Iain captured his daughter’s chin and forced her to meet his gaze.

“Whatever ye heard, Ainslie Fraser, ye misunderstood my words. I have nae ever—” he said in a quiet, firm voice. “I repeat, nae ever, blamed ye or your sister for what happened tae your màthair. It’s true that she was nae very strong. But that is nae your doing. I would have done everything in my power tae save her, but there was nothing I or the doctor could do.”

As he finished speaking, a voice in the back of his head reminded him that he had possessed the power to save Flora. But if they had not had children, he would not have Ainslie and Grace. It would be different with Madeline. Experience had taught him how dangerous it would be for Madeline to have his child, and he intended to take every precaution to ensure that didn’t happen.

“Will Madeline die like màthair if she has a bairn?” The question made him shake his head with determination, but as he opened his mouth to speak, Madeline answered the question for him.

“I just survived the North Sea for a second time. I think I’ve proven how feisty I can be when it comes to not dying anytime soon,” she said softly. Iain looked up and met her gaze. For a moment, he was certain he saw pain flickering in her eyes as she met his gaze, before she turned her attention to Ainslie. “And you are asking too many questions, young lady.”

“Aye, Madeline will be with us for a long time.” He smiled up at her, and once more he could have sworn he saw pain flickering in her gaze before she lifted several locks of Ainslie’s hair and shook her head in amused consternation.

“Right now, I think it’s time for you to take a bath. Your hair looks like a bee’s nest.”

A quiet giggle escaped Ainslie, to which Madeline smiled mischievously. Stretching out her hand, she caught his daughter’s hand in hers and pulled Ainslie to her feet. The girl didn’t argue and headed toward the door only to stop suddenly in mid-stride. Ainslie abruptly spun around on her heel, then hurried back to Iain and wrapped her arms around his neck in a tight hug.

“I love ye, Faither,” she whispered in his ear before bolting from the room.

The moment Madeline took a step forward to follow Ainslie, Iain reached out to stop her. As his hand caught her arm to hold her in place, Madeline’s smile made his heart swell in his chest.

“I love ye, mo ghràdh,” he replied softly as he smiled up at her. Wrinkling her nose in mock disapproval, Madeline gave him a quick kiss.

“I need to learn Gaelic so I know when you’re saying something sweet or when you’re calling me something like a Sassenach eejit.”

“I’m nae sure I like that idea. I enjoy seeing your eyes flash when ye are angry or excited,” Iain said softly.

With a gentle tug on her arm, he pulled her toward him while sliding his hand down to lift her hand up to press his lips against the inside of her wrist. Unable to resist, his tongue swirled a circle across her skin. The sound of a sharp inhalation made him raise his head and grin at her, enjoying the desire he saw flare in her eyes.

“They’re flashing right now, mo leannan, but I dinnae think with anger.” He chuckled as she tugged free of his grasp.

“Arrogant Scot,” she muttered as she stalked away, but just before she walked out of his bedroom, Madeline glanced over her shoulder, and he saw the smile curving her sweet lips.

Chapter 20

Madeline stood outside Iain’s study for a long moment debating whether to interrupt him. It had been almost a week since the terrifying incident in the sea cave, and they’d yet to find a moment alone to talk.

She pursed her mouth at the thought. That wasn’t exactly true. Iain had tried for the past two nights after dinner to pull her into the salon to speak with her, but she’d put him off with either an excuse that the girls needed her or she was tired.

Both reasons were true, but she could tell he was growing frustrated that they hadn’t been alone other than for a brief embrace, before one of them was needed elsewhere. The girls were deeply traumatized by last Thursday’s events. Ainslie in particular remained constantly at Madeline’s side or her father’s.

In the early morning hours, the night after they’d escaped drowning, the girl had started experiencing nightmares from which she’d awoken screaming in terror. To make her feel safe, Madeline would sit with the girl into the early morning hours so she was there to calm Ainslie’s fear if the child woke up in a state of panic. Even Iain was not fully recovered from the incident. It had taken him over two days to recover from being brought back from the dead.

She knew his chest was still sore from where Angus had desperately pounded Iain’s chest and ribs to remove the water from his lungs and revive him. Madeline had been worried about him contracting pneumonia, but he showed no signs of being ill other than wincing with pain if he moved the wrong way.

He’d tried to hide it from her and the girls, but the third time she’d seen his discomfort, she’d insisted on wrapping his ribs just in the event he’d experienced a partial fracture. With her sleeping patterns disrupted by her watching over Ainslie at night and worrying about Iain, she was dragging by the time Iain had felt better.

But it hadn’t just been her caring for Ainslie and a lack of sleep that had made her avoid speaking at length with Iain. She was still coming to grips with her decision to remain at Muchalls Hall as Iain’s mistress. Madeline didn’t regret the choice she’d made, nor would she change her mind either.

She loved Iain and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. But Madeline couldn’t help being worried about what the girls would think about the arrangement, not to mention Mrs. McFayden and her disapproving looks.

Now, as she stood outside Iain’s study, she forced herself to quietly open the door to peek inside. His head was bent over papers on his desk, so she began to retreat not wanting to disturb him.