Page 88 of Love Out Loud

I guess Rome wasn’t built in a day.

None of that seems to matter when Richard swings the door open and announces, “Look who I found outside.” He winks at me, and that’s when I know exactly where that conversation in the car came from. Lennon must have texted him to ask where we were. He knew this whole time.

As soon as Lennon steps out around Richard and into my line of sight, I want nothing more than to launch myself at him, bury my face in his shirt, and cry. But I hold my ground.

His hazel eyes meet mine, the gold flecks shining in the morning light. “Hey,” he says, clearly uncertain.

“Hi,” I respond before glancing at Richard, then Devin. “Um…do you want to take a walk?”

“Actually, I’m here to talk to Devin.” He gives me a shaky smile, his dimples appearing under sandy stubble that tells me he must have flown overnight to get here.

Richard claps him on the shoulder, and I can tell Lennon tries desperately not to make a face. “I’ll give you three a minute,” Richard says. “This coffee sucks anyway. Good luck, man.”

Lennon mumbles something incoherent as Richard leaves. And then it’s just the three of us. Lennon’s open-sky scent makes its way to me, and it takes all my strength not to wrap my legs around his torso and kiss him as he crosses over to Devin’s bed. He pulls up a chair and sits next to her. I lower myself to the couch in a daze.

“Hey, kiddo. How are you feeling?”

“Better now.” Devin is trying unsuccessfully to hide a giant grin. “Pretty cool I got not one but two of my favorite people to fly all the way across the country just because I got a useless organ removed.”

Lennon chuckles deeply, and the sound of it pools in my stomach like honey—sweet and thick. “Well, you’re pretty important to your mom, and your mom is pretty important to me,” he says.

“She’s a special lady,” Devin agrees.

“That she is.” He leans forward and rests his forearms on his knees. “I want to ask you a question, if you’re up for it?” Devin nods, and he pulls in a steadying breath before he continues. “Before your mom came to LA, you asked me to take care of her.”

“You what?” I exclaim. They both ignore me.

“You weren’t supposed to tell her that,” Devin mutters.

Lennon shifts in his seat. “Sorry.” He winces apologetically. “Anyway, at the time, I couldn’t think of any reason I’d have to not fulfill that promise I made to take care of her. But when she found out you were sick, she didn’t hesitate. She booked a flight and came right out here.” He swallows hard. Devin glances at me, but before she can say anything, Lennon jumps back in. “I messed that up. I panicked and asked her to stay with me instead. I knew you’d be fine, and I didn’t want her to go. That was dumb, because she’ll always be your mom and you’ll always be her kid, and if she feels like she needs to see you for any reason, I should go with her. Don’t you think?”

“Sure,” Devin says slowly. “But you two can’t be showing up at college unannounced or anything. There has to be boundaries.”

A harsh laugh escapes me, and I’m not at all surprised to find it’s wet.

Lennon leans in conspiratorially. “I promise I won’t let her do that,” he whispers.

“Hey!” I shout, but they continue to ignore me.

“I think she thought that I was asking her to choose between me and you, which was never my intention,” Lennon assures her. “That’s not even a choice. It’s you, every time. I’m going to need to apologize to her in a minute for how I came off, and I will. But I wanted to ask you first if it’d be okay with you if I love your mom for a while.”

Devin regards him for a moment, all the playfulness gone as she considers what he’s saying. And just for a moment, she’s six again, carefully deciding between two pieces of candy in the checkout line. “You’ve always loved my mom,” she finally says. “But it’s okay if you want to be in love with her, too, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“That is what I’m asking.” Lennon smiles, and it happens to him, too. Just for a second, he’s not a forty-year-old man sitting next to my daughter’s hospital bed. He’s sixteen in the sound booth—all limbs and teeth and dimples. The boy I’ve always loved and the man I’m in love with, all in one.

“I need you to do something for me, though,” Devin interjects.

“Anything.”

“You said it’s never a choice between you and me.” Her lip starts quivering, as if she might cry, too. But her voice is steady as she says, “That was nice and all, but can you get her to choose herself once in a while? She doesn’t do enough of that.”

I let loose a shaky exhale. Lennon locks eyes with me over the hospital bed. “I’ll do my best.” He faces her again. “I think I need to go talk to her now.”

Devin wipes her eyes, nodding. Lennon hands her a tissue before he comes over to sit next to me on the couch. He doesn’t offer me a tissue, but he cups my face with his hands and wipes at the wetness on my cheeks with his thumbs.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“Me, too,” I whisper back. “I shouldn’t have left knowing what it’d do to you.”