Page 181 of Starside

Right. Foolish of me to think he would be interested in having a lengthy conversation.

“It’s fine,” I say, scowling, turning back around. “I don’t know why I thought you’d—”

“I killed its wielder,” he says simply.

Of course. It makes sense. Still, I swallow. “Its wielder must have been powerful.”

He lifts a shoulder. “Not more so than me.”

I roll my eyes. “At least you’re humble.”

He turns toward me. His voice sharpens. “Should I lie? Should I pretend to be a simpering weak fool, the way you do?”

At that, I bristle.

“I saw you, at the Culling,” he continues, sitting up. I do too. “Shrinking into yourself, playing weak damsel until you got close enough.” He makes a derisive sound.

I saw you.

My back teeth scrape together. Never in a thousand years would I have imagined Raker had been watching me.

It makes sense. He was getting a good look at his supposed competition.

And he’s right about me. I do it often, on purpose. There is nothing stronger than a woman underestimated.

But his pointing it out, his knowing it was an act, makes me strangely furious. “You’re one to judge,” I say, getting closer, so I can say the words right at his face. “You’ve never been starving, you’ve never been without a family, you’ve never been imprisoned, and tied down, and tortured.”

“You don’t know what I’ve been,” he says sharply, ducking his head, just inches away. Wind howls around us. It blows my braid back. I just stare up at him, and that glimmering silver.

“You’re right,” I finally say. “I don’t know anything about you. I don’t even know your face. Tell me. Does building a wall around your heart make it hurt less?”

He stares me down. And his invisible gaze feels like a weapon itself. His sharp voice feels like one too. “I wouldn’t know. I don’t have one,” he says, perhaps recalling all the times I’ve called him heartless.

“Well, at least you’re honest,” I say. “At least you know you’re a monster.”

That word … it makes him flinch.

And I’m still so angry about what happened in that forest that I want to dig in that knife and twist it. “Yes. That’s what you are,” I say. “You are heartless. You are a monster. You are merciless. I’m sure you wear those words with honor.”

“Mercy will get you killed,” he says, his voice rumbling just inches from my mouth.

I laugh without humor, remembering when he was merciless to me. “Is that what you tell yourself to sleep at night?”

He shrugs. “I’m not the one with the nightmares, Aris,” he says.

Bastard.

I open my mouth—

And lightning flashes across the sky, illuminating everything, followed by a knee-wobbling crack of thunder.

I remember.

How soft the small patch of grass was beneath our fingers. How quickly the storm came rolling in.

How wide my sister’s eyes—

A hand locks around my arm. “Come on,” Raker yells, and that’s when I notice it’s raining. Badly. Out of nowhere, like the sky was just ripped open at the seams. “Let’s find somewhere dry.”