Page 18 of Infernal Vices

CHAPTER 9

DESERT

After dinner we retired to the parlour. Sebastian left us to visit the bathroom and I was alone again with Charles. He stood warming himself by the fire as he sucked on a cigar. I offered him a glass of Port.

“Thank you,” he said accepting the drink, as he slumped into the armchair and eyed me, humour writ large on his face. I raised a brow.

“Have you really not worked out the red book yet?” he smiled foxily.

“Hmmm…no, I have not. It’s quite the puzzle.”

Charles let out a light laugh. “It is isn’t it?” My guest grinned at me while I pouted with derision.

“Oh come Benedict, you’re a smart man, you can figure it out. And if you haven’t by the time we meet for Temple of the Muses, I promise, I’ll tell you.”

“Fine,” I harrumphed. “That would be very helpful.” Charles continued to gaze at me, an inebriated grin on his face. I took a gulp of Port to hide my discomfort, and listened, hoping that Sebastian would return in haste.

Finally, I said, “Charles, why the devil are you looking at me like that?”

“I know your secret,”he said with a teasing sing-song, his grin reminiscent of a mischievous schoolboy. This assertion alarmed me and in confusion I fixed Ashe’s gaze. He threw a leg over the arm of the chair and lounged; all propriety gone. The bulge at his crotch was now visibly on display.

He twiddled the end of his waxed moustache and said “Oh yes, old fellow, I know exactly what’s going on here. I understand your reluctance now.”

“Reluctance? Whatever do you mean?”

“To be intimate with me. He is rather a dish, opinionated and challenging too. I must admit I find the battle of minds quite…delicious,” he said flamboyantly.

I was sipping Port as he said this and spluttered, putting the glass down on the occasional table before wiping my mouth with my handkerchief. I’d been convinced he’d detested Birdie and was jealous of him. It appears I was mistaken.

Charles inhaled the cigar and then exhaled making playful smoke rings. “I don’t suppose you’d consider a third? I’m always looking for active new partners to take charge…put me in my place!” he said sounding more than a little tipsy.

I had well and truly failed in any attempt at discretion. My cheeks burned with embarrassment at Ashe’s discovery. Maybe I’d sheltered myself for too long, because his outspoken candour and the assertion of desire were astonishing to me. It had taken me so very long to come to terms with my desires and submit to them. The fact that Ashe was open about his aspiration to join us to slake his lust astounded me. Ashes’ question inflamed my jealousy. I did not want to be intimate with Ashe and could not envisage Sebastian with another man. Sebastian is mine!

“I have shared the hospitality of my home and a meal with you, Charles. However, in this instance I will not be sharing,” I said stiffly.

Ashe let out a hearty laugh, and then puffed on his cigar. “Understood.” He eyed me lustfully for another moment before adding, “And what singular hospitality you have shown, dear fellow. Thank you and your glorious Mrs. Twigg. Never have I tasted such an exceptional steak pudding. You are a lucky man…on two counts it seems! Shame though, I can imagine Birdie is a quite the beast in the bedroom,” he gripped his crotch, gave it a rough tug, and adjusted the visible bulge.

I sent him a disapproving glare as my innards burned. Had he lost his mind or had he just imbibed too much alcohol? I rose and filled my glass. Charles held out his glass and I poured for him too.

“Tell me Charles. What gave us away?” I asked as there was no point in denial now. We were quite in our cups and I was curiously relaxed in Charles’ company. He sucked on the cigar and with a laugh let out a plume of blue grey smoke.

“You’ll need to rein in your affections if you and your beau socialize together outside of your home. The way you were looking at him gave me a ruddy stand. I could smell the yearning bubbling between you both.”

I’d told myself that during the dinner I’d done well at repressing my adoration, keeping myself in check, but if my affection for Cavell was clear to Charles, was it also transparent to my servants? When Cavell was in my proximity I crackled with a burning electric feeling in my veins, as if he were a drug and I his one and only addict.

Ashe continued, “As an artist I observe nature. And I observe people. I have an intense preoccupation with men like us. And for men like us…we must be self-vigilant and discrete. You are known for being meticulous, morally astute, prickly of personality…and of having an aversion to physical intimacy.”

“This is true.”

“However, I saw how you bloomed to life as soon as Birdie entered the room. You called him your companion…and you shook his hand.”

I had unwittingly given myself away! “Yes, I did. My issue is not so acute with him,” I admitted.

Ashe took a gulp of Port. “I initially envisaged your aversion to touch as a challenge, but it appears Mr. Robins has already placed his flag on the mountain, so to speak.”

“The flag is most certainly on the mountain.” My initial reluctance to call Ashe my friend was waning; maybe it was the flowing wine and a full belly? Maybe it was because I found I liked this insightful, talented artist? We were both quiet for a moment, the sound of the rain outside adding to the comforting warmth I felt inside.

“How did you know you preferred men?” I asked. In a state of fearful turmoil at the risk of eternal damnation, I had purposely avoided physical intimacy for near thirty years, and had not sought the company of men with the same inclination. I had believed for so long that my magnetism to the same sex was sinful and I was an abomination. But, sitting comfortably in my parlour with a new friend who understood what men like us go through to find fellow feeling made me curious about his experiences.