Page 45 of Sinful Sharing

“You were a kid.” Taylor’s voice is heavy with emotion. “What else were you supposed to do?”

“Tell my mother the truth,” I reply. “Because he kept coming. Night after night.”

“Oh, my fucking God.”

I scrub a trembling hand over my face. “For weeks, I could barely eat. I hardly slept. I couldn’t bear to look at myself.” Anguish finally explodes in my system. I wrap my arms around me. “I kept thinking it was all my fault. Maybe if I’d been different, you know?”

“Yes, I know what you mean,” he whispers.

“When Mom got concerned, I told her it was a bully at school. She showed up to confront someone who didn’t exist. I had no choice but to tell her the truth.”

Even now, remembering her face almost destroys me. “I’ve never seen someone look so... broken. She waited until he got home that evening, and she didn’t even hesitate. She confronted him with his own gun. One bullet.”

Taylor sucks in a breath.

“My mother went to prison on a second-degree murder conviction, and I spent the next year bouncing through foster homes.” The loneliness of those days still echoes somewhere inside me. “A little after my twentieth birthday, she passed away from pneumonia in her cell.”

Each word feels like someone is dragging broken glass across my chest. My mouth trembles. “I never got a chance to hug her, to say goodbye. I spent years wishing I’d told her I was gay. If I had, he never could have used that secret against me.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, but the tears escape anyway. “I’ve blamed myself every day since.”

A choked sob prompts my eyes to open. Taylor’s cheeks are wet, and his shoulders shake as he presses a hand over his mouth. The sight hits me hard. “Taylor...”

He shakes his head, unable to speak. When he finally does, his voice sounds ragged. “I’m so, so sorry that happened to you.”

Something in my chest softens. Moving closer, I brush my thumb across his cheek. “It’s okay,” I murmur. “It’s over.”

“But your mom...”

A sad smile forms on my face. I peer up at the stars. “She’s at peace.” At least I’d like to think so. It’s the only thought that has kept me sane since she passed away.

For a long moment, he says nothing. He’s processing. He seems so much smaller, as if he’s shrinking into himself. “What happened after she died?”

“I left town after the funeral,” I reply. “There was nothing left there for me, anyway. Spent the next few years moving around, trying to find someplace to call home, making sure nobody got close enough to hurt me. Pleasure was easy. It made me feel like I was in control. No emotions. No promises. It felt safe.”

Glancing over at him, I take the plunge. “Then I met you.”

Taylor lets out a sharp intake of breath. He pulls back, staring up at me with wide eyes. “Jude.”

“I know. It’s terrifying.” I shift in the seat, letting him see the truth on my face. “But you’re the first person who’s ever made me want more.”

Another moment passes where he says nothing, then he turns to me. “I need to tell you something, too.”

“Okay.” I brace for words that might ruin me. Rejection isn’t something I’ve ever experienced with another man.

“I was around seventeen when I realized I liked guys,” he says. “And then I spent the next four years pretending I didn’t. One night in college, I had a little too much to drink, but it made me brave enough to explore. A few months later, I met a man. Noel.”

This isn’t exactly where I expected him to go, but I keep listening.

“Noel was older and more experienced than the other guys I’d been with. More importantly, he understood the need to keep our affair a secret. Later, I found out why he understood so well. He had a wife and kids.”

“Fuck.”

“A blogger took our photos while we were leaving his apartment early one morning. Lucky for me, the blogger wanted money. Mom paid him a chunk to make the story go away.”

Taylor sighs, pulling the blanket tighter around him. “I cut all ties with Noel. I told Mom I wasn’t gay, that I was confused for a moment. She believed me, even more so when I started ‘dating’ Celeste. Everything seemed to work out fine—well, except the part where I suppressed my attraction to other men. Then they found Noel dead.”

My entire body goes still.