Page 44 of Sinful Sharing

“So?” she prompts.

“Fine. I’ll hang around a while longer,” I reply. “See you after the election, Mom.”

She smiles, relieved. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

Behind her, a light round of knocks comes on the door. She glances over her shoulder, an urgent look appearing on her face. “Sweetheart, I have a podcast interview in the morning. I need to prepare.”

“Of course.” This is how our conversations usually end, anyway.

“Get some rest,” she says. “Try not to think about Celeste. There will be plenty of women when you get back.”

I groan inwardly.

“In fact, a lovely redhead joined the campaign last week. Her name is Alyssa. I’d love for you to meet her.”

A hollow feeling settles in my gut. I want to please my mother, but the weight of this secret is becoming unbearable. I’m not sure how much more I can endure.

“Maybe,” I mutter.

My response seems to satisfy her. I tell her I love her. She tells me the same. I end the call, staring at the screen for a moment, a part of me tempted to redial and do the right thing. Instead, I dial Celeste’s number. After three unsuccessful tries, I give up. I’m concerned about her. It’s going to be difficult choosing between the man she loves and her parents. But I’m afraid for myself, too. Her secret is now in the open, and there’s no reason for her to keep mine anymore.

At the sudden thumping of boots, I glance over my shoulder and I see Jude coming up the steps. We haven’t spoken since his weird reaction in the lobby earlier, and I’ve been wondering if, like Roman, he’s avoiding me. It doesn’t matter now, though. He’s here. I’ve finally gotten closure with Noel, and for the first time, I want to tell someone what happened.

An opening remark dies in my throat when he steps onto the deck. Something about his expression immediately puts me on edge. There are no sparkles in his eyes, no teasing smirk on his lips. He’s anxious. An alarm goes off in my head.

“Is everything okay?”

He walks down to the pit and sits beside me. For several seconds, he silently stares at the fire, then exhales deeply. “No.”

The silence stretches out so long that I’m tempted to break it. Something tells me not to rush him. Finally, he glances up at me, pain radiating in his gaze. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

27

Jude

The cold nips at my face, but I barely feel it. I’m too busy trying to remember how to breathe. Taylor sits beside me, wrapped in a thick blanket, staring into the fire. Waiting.

Except for Roman, no one knows the truth. I’ve carried it for so long that it feels fused to my bones. Sometimes, I convince myself it happened to someone else. But there are times when I’d see my sixteen-year-old reflection in the mirror, and the memories would hit me hard. It’s unbearable. I don’t want to endure that pain anymore.

Roman had a point. If I’m ever going to move on from my past, I can’t keep burying it. I can’t allow it to define my life anymore.

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

Taylor’s gaze shifts from the fire to me.

“I...” My throat tightens. “I’ve never had the urge to tell anyone this. Roman only knows because... he had to. But nobody else.”

Taylor squeezes my knee. “Whatever it is, I’m honored.”

The words nearly undo me. I turn my attention to the flames instead of his face. “For years, I hid that I was gay. Mostly because I didn’t know how my mom would react if I told her. She was all I had, and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing her.”

The hardest part of those memories approaches. My chest aches like hell. Taking a deep breath, I force myself onward. “Her boyfriend lived with us at the time. Somehow, he found out. One night...”

My voice breaks. I close my eyes. My pulse pounds louder than the crackling of the fire. Taylor rests his hand on top of mine. The reassuring gesture loosens my throat. “Mom was working the graveyard shift. He came into my room.”

“Jesus,” Taylor whispers. He knows where this is going. Still, I need to get the words out.

“He forced himself on me. When I fought back, he hit me. When I cried, he laughed.” My jaw clenches until I taste bile, shame rushing back with terrifying force. “Then he said if I ever told anyone, they would know I was gay. They would hate me for being gay. I believed him. I stayed quiet.”