Page 160 of How We Began

I ran away from home and then come back again.

I started a second relationship with the boy next door.

I ended the second relationship with the boy next door.

I became a demented jogging person.

I drank more vodka and wine than someone should consume in an entire lifetime.

I thought I was pregnant.

I knew I was not pregnant.

I made up with my mum, dad, and brother (which is a very good thing).

I started a third relationship with the boy next door.

I completed one week of dedicated studying out of the thirty-two weeks of the academic year.

I found a job.

I found an amazing new home, which, unfortunately, I’ll not be sharing with the love of my life.

I will soon be ending a relationship with the boy next door.

I’m not sure how I feel about any of this. What have I achieved this year?

Progress with Mum, Dad, and Tristan. That’s really good. Will it last after Ben leaves and I stop being normal? I don’t know. I hope it does.

19th June

“Darling, do you want me to pick you up on Monday afternoon?”

“Why would I want that?”

“Well, you know.”

“What?”

“You know, with Benjamin leaving. I thought you might want to come home and have some time away.”

Mum and I have come on a long way. I didn’t even light a cigarette while talking to her.

“It’s okay, Mum. Thank you, but I will be fine.”

I’ll be pissed and crying in a ditch somewhere.

“Okay, Darling. Ring me if you need me.” She sounded unconvinced.

“Um, okay, Mum.”

Goodness me. Maybe I really have achieved something this past year. Everyone thinks I am so pathetic they’re all ready to save me at any given point.

I’m not pathetic.

I can do this.

I can do this.