Page 161 of How We Began

20th June

“Ben.” I kissed along his jaw to wake him up.

“Mmm?”

“Do you think I should move my stuff back into my room today so we can have some space?”

Instantly, his arms tightened around me. “Don’t say that. Ever. I’m having every minute with you.”

I chuckled and kissed his lips.

“Calm down. It was only a suggestion.”

“Could you not make crazy suggestions at silly o'clock in the morning?”

I didn’t need to say I’ll try. It didn’t matter. There are only two mornings left.

“Okay, but I have to get ready for the ball by myself. My outfit is a surprise.”

“Okay, Lilah. You’ve woken me up now. What do you suggest we do to pass time until my exam?”

“Hold on, I’ve our revision notes here,” I said, making a play for some paper.

He caught my arm and held me down on the bed. “Don’t you even dare, Delilah.”

I just grinned at him and soaked it up for all it is worth.

(Later)

Without him seeing, I’ve started to gather my stuff. There is more than I moved in with three months ago. I just know in my heart of hearts that it will be even more painful if I have to move everything on Sunday after the ball. Better that I do it now so I can walk out with my head held high Sunday morning.

End on the high that I always wanted for us.

I think maybe I have grown up over the last year. I’m able to let go of this one thing that I want more than anything else, for the greater good. For his greater good.

(Dinner)

We have just eaten the last meal he will cook for me: Spaghetti Bolognese. Funny bugger.

We sat on the floor and drank our wine and I asked him to play every song he’s ever sung for me. He then asked me to choose which one was my favourite. It was a tough call, but in the end I had to say, “Hey There, Delilah.” I used to hate that song, but he made me love it with his cheesy first date. Every time I hear it, forever more, I’ll remember our first date and just how much I truly loved him.

22nd June

(7.30 p.m.)

It’s been nine months and 4 days since I first stood here getting ready for a University Ball.

That night, as I had been applying my gold sparkly makeup and white dress, I could never have imagined how much things would change. How within a short few days I’d meet someone who’d transform my life, would transform me and make me feel emotions both good and bad that I never would’ve believed I was capable of experiencing.

Here I am again, getting ready to go to another Ball, but this time I’m not excited with nerves and anticipation. Instead, my heart feels like it’s struggling to beat. I look at the gown that took me ages to find. I trailed every dress shop I could think of trying to find the perfect one. At last I did. A floor-length, silk dress the colour of cornflowers, the colour of the sky at midday, and the colour of Ben’s eyes. My little farewell gesture.

He’s knocking on the door.

I can do this, can’t I? I’m sure I can.

Deep breath.

(Midnight)