Page 136 of How We Began

“Lilah, you’re my best friend. I will always help you.”

I raised my head to face her. “Thank you.”

Breathing out a deep sigh, I squeezed her in a hug. “Don’t tell him I was upset.”

“Lil, I think he is going to know.”

Standing I glanced in the mirror. Shit! I looked like I’d been in a fight and lost. I splashed my face a few times. “Better?”

“Uh. Sure.”

Holding my chin up high, I headed back out to the bar where Ben stood with a pint in his hand. The blues found me instantly. Then he was across the bar in a flash.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, bending down to meet my eyes.

“Nothing, Ben. It’s all good.” I smiled knowing he could still see the tracks of my tears on my face. “I promise. Everything is good.”

Miranda tripped up to us in her ten-inch heels, like she bloody needed them. “Oh Ben, I was telling her about that night with the Jacuzzi. Wasn’t it such a blast?”

He looked at her like she was crazy, which I think she might be. His hand slid down and linked through mine. “It’s not what you think,” he whispered.

I shook my head and tried to find something to say.

“Ben, I’m going to go for some air. Give me a couple of minutes, hey?” My voice wobbled, no matter how hard I tried.

Three minutes later, he was in front of me.

“It is not what you think,” he said again, taking a cigarette from my packet.

“I don’t think anything. It’s okay.”

“Why are you upset then?”

I stared at him for the longest moment before deciding to go with honesty. “Because I’ve realised just how hard it is going to be.”

“How hard will what be?”

“Letting you go,” I whispered.

He reached his hands for me and fit them around my waist, planting his lips against my forehead.

“I know,” he whispered, before stepping me backwards into a shop doorway and making use of the cover of darkness only the way that Ben Chambers can.

We’ve just over two months left. Last night when we got home after the gig we had another conversation without words, different from before. This time I think we were trying to memorise each other, so we were imprinted on one another's soul. I laid there with my eyes closed, using my fingers to feel his face, like a blind woman reading her favourite book, the feel of the skin around his eyes, the crinkly bit, the slope of his nose, the outline of his lips.

He’s my favourite book. Captain Wentworth has been demoted.

15th April

My list of most hated people is as follows:

Mihraandah. Impressive. She made it to the top spot the first time I met her.

Liam. He doesn't like me and I am only too happy to return the favour.

My dad. Our relationship has improved, but it's not fixed.

Mr. Sleaze from Arseholes R’Us. I am still having nightmares about those dirty boxers.