Page 135 of How We Began

The new material was amazing. The pace a little slower than their usual. Ben told me he’s not been writing much over the last few months, but standing there listening to the new tracks, I knew he’d been keeping a few things to himself. Sneaky.

“Did Ben tell you about the great night we had the hotel before he left?”

Oh God, she was back.

“Uh, no, he didn’t.” We have been far too busy having crazy reunion sex. Get lost, you skinny bitch.

“Hell, it was such a blast! There was a Jacuzzi, but none of us had any swim wear packed…”

Oh, God. “Excuse me. I need the bathroom.”

I rushed for the door and the spring fresh air outside where I could stand and smoke for a few minutes of peace.

Jacuzzi?

My peace didn’t last long.

“Lilah? Ben’s looking for you from the stage. You better come in.” Meredith poked her head out the door.

Shit.

I walked back in, not really wanting to look at him. He’d take one look at my face and know something was wrong. And it’s not wrong. Only my head is and I don’t know how to fix that.

Ben was talking into the microphone. “Recently I had some time to do some thinking, and I came to realise one thing. This song is for Lilah.”

Instead of singing a Sound Box song, Ben took his Gibson to the centre of the stage and proceeded to sing an acoustic stripped back version of U2’s “With or Without You.”

Why does he do this to me? How does he always know the right way or the right things to say to make everything so much better? Better than they would be without him.

By the time he’d finished I was on the verge of swallowing my own tongue as I tried to beat down the lump in my throat. He finished and gave me a small bow, which I returned, but before he’d even turned back to the others, I’d legged it to the bathroom.

“What are you doing?” Meredith asked, peering under the toilet door.

“Dude, I could be having a crap!”

“Well you’re not, you're just crying.”

“Go away, Meredith. Sorry, I don’t want to be rude, but I just want to be alone.”

“Open the door.”

“No.”

“Open the door before I go and get Ben or Tristan.”

I opened the door.

“What is the matter? That was ridiculously romantic!” she asked, kneeling on the floor in front of me.

“I know.”

“So? What?”

“I don’t know.” I heaved a breath. “How I am going to cope when he’s gone?”

“Lilah, you are crazy.”

“You’ll help me, won’t you?”