Page 115 of How We Began

Holy shit! I might be pregnant! or Fuck! What have I done?

By the time we got to class I was a sweaty, nervous wreck. As we went to sit out our seats Ben tugged on my hand and pulled me in close, kissing me on the lips in front of the whole class including Professor Johnson.

“Stop panicking, Lilah.”

The blues crinkled as he watched me blanch slightly and sit in my seat.

“Thank you for joining us, Mr. Chambers and Miss McCannon,” said Johnson. “Lilah, we’re so pleased you seem to be awake today.”

Everyone laughed, and I gave a little bow. Yeah, I was awake, all right.

Meredith, who was already in her seat, looked at me questioningly.

I gave a small shake of my head and motioned to the front of the class, where Johnson was balancing precariously on a chair. Meredith shook her own head and started to write in her pad.

What’s up? And don’t say “nothing!”

I rolled my eyes at her.

Just having a panic. I haven’t taken my pill since Thursday.

I checked to make sure Johnson wasn’t looking before I passed the pad back to her.

She let out an audible gasp and began writing furiously, then tossed the pad back at me.

Oh, Lilah! How frightfully immature of you to do such a thing!

Sarcastic Cow.

Shut up. Do you think I can take the rest of the packet now and it will be okay?

She shook her head and paused before writing her answer. Then she held the pad so I could read it but kept it so she can add to it.

Don’t be so silly. You will have to call the docs and ask what to do.

I gave a sarcastic thumbs-up.

What did Ben say?!?!

I had to think about this for a moment. What did Ben say? He seemed to act like it was okay.

Like it was the best four tablets I could ever forget to take.

When she read this, she gave me a little smile and jotted something quickly.

Thought he might.

Satisfied with our conversation she turned her attention back to the lecture, but I couldn’t listen to anything. All I could think was that I could have a baby inside me. Okay, well, not a baby just yet, but a little thing that could become one.

Then I started to panic. I’ve never even held a baby before, well, apart from Ben’s sister's child, and I don’t think thirty seconds even counts. But then I thought of what Ben looked like holding that baby. He looked unbelievably sexy standing there holding that little ball of baby squishiness.

I rocked my chair onto its back two legs.

Ben started his tapping campaign and I doodled and daydreamed away the rest of the lecture.

After the lecture finished, I got up from my chair and, for the first time since the beginning of the school year, I turned to hold my hand out to Ben. He took it and we grinned at each other like crazy loved-up fools.

12th March