Page 89 of When We Are Old

The truth of her words filtered into my brain, one tiny drop at a time.

“God, I’m such a dick. He’s just asked Hannah and I to stay too.”

Ange had just taken a deep drag of her cigarette and she coughed, clutching at her chest. “Stay? In what capacity?”

“Permanently, I think.”

“And you said…”

“Mum?” Hannah called from the door. I hadn’t heard her step back in. “You aren’t thinking of us living here, are you? What about your work? My school?”

I chewed on my bottom lip and met Ange’s gaze. “I said all of those things.”

My friend cringed. “You said those things and then left him to the wily plans of his demented ex-wife?”

Oh God. I had.

“Mum, we can’t stay here. I have to get back to Ana, and…”

“Jackson?” I lifted an eyebrow.

“They have boys in Scotland too, you know?” Ange added. “But it does strike me as way too fast. And his ex clearly has a firm grip. You never know, they might still have feelings there.” Ange’s words were sheer torment. They burned me deep down.

Hannah was oblivious and kept talking. “Yes. But do they have a Ma and a best friend and my school and my teachers, and all the other things I’ve known all my life?” She brushed her hair out of her face. “And what about your business? You’ve worked so hard on that since Dad died.”

I looked at her, my stomach heavy.

Scotland had none of those things. But it did have Matthew.

And right then my heart fractured clean in two, because I knew there was no chance of this ever working out.

Not ever.

My phone rang, Matthew's face flashing up on the screen. But in my heart, I knew the truth. There were too many things against us, and we still hadn’t even had one date.

Home Fires

Matthew

“Where the fuck is she?” I kicked at the bin in the kitchen. It was totally stupid and it didn’t make me feel even the slightest bit better.

“Just calm down, she’ll be back.” Ryan swung back on one of the kitchen chairs—one of these days he would land flat on his arse and Mam would tell him she’d told him so.

“She’s run from me before.”

Ryan snorted and sipped at his tea. “You’re both certifiable flight risks if you ask me.”

“Yes, but I know she was here. She left the keys on the front step, which means she must have known Julie was here.” My cheeks flushed and Ryan evaluated me.

“Well Julie is the boys' mother. I think Ronnie can be reasonable about that. She strikes me as a sensible woman, apart from fancying your canny ass of course. What aren’t you telling me?”

I sighed deep, pulling the exhalation from my tight muscles. “Julie said she’d booked us a family holiday: me, her, and the boys.”

Ryan swallowed his tea down hard. “She’s a nutcase, Matt.”

“Yes, but let’s not forget that I made her that way by marrying her when I shouldn’t have done.”

“That’s bullshit and you can’t keep blaming yourself for it. She knew the deal between Dad and McStandish before you got married—it’s none of our faults if she didn’t see it for what it was.”