Page 90 of When We Are Old

I so wanted to believe him, but I knew the blame was mine, no matter what anyone said.

“I think Ronnie must have heard Julie. It’s the only reason I can think she’s gone like this.”

“But you told Julie no, right?”

“Of course, I fucking did. But she wound the boys up like she always does. Jack was on one thinking we were all going away.”

Ryan shook his head. “It’s not fair the way she uses those kids when she wants or needs something.”

I nodded, but again I knew the blame laid with me. I didn’t bother to answer.

Ryan carried on, painting the truth in vivid colours. “So let me get this right. Your beautiful, sexy, for-some-reason-thinks-the-sun-shines-out-of-your-jacksy, new girlfriend thinks you are going on a family holiday with your psychotic ex-wife?”

“Aye, that sums it up.”

“You’re the biggest loser I know. Go get her.”

“Why didn’t she knock on the door and tell me she was here?”

“Fucking hell, mate, you aren’t that smart. Imagine if her husband was still alive, was an ex instead of a ghost; how would you compete against him who’d had her so long?”

“She was mine first.” The words practically growled from me.

“Then make her yours again.”

“I asked her to stay. To live here with me and the boys.”

Ryan cocked his head to the side. “Funny that you haven’t thought of moving there.”

“I couldn’t. What about the shop? And Mam?”

“Jesus, dickwad, there are enough of us as it is to look after Mam, and you know full well if she heard you saying stuff like that, she’d clip you around the ear. And forget about the stupid fucking shop.”

“But what about the boys? I’d never leave them.”

“No one is asking you to. Fight for them. No court would give Nutty Julie sole custody if they knew what she got up to.”

I shook my head. “I can’t. It’s not that easy.”

Ryan shrugged. “So, then what do you want Ronnie to say?”

He had me there. I didn’t have an answer.

“I want her to say she loves me enough to move planets, let alone country.”

“Go find her first. It’s the only way to start.”

“No. First, I need to make a call.” Walking away from Ryan I stepped out into the small garden. The evening air wrapped warm around me. I knew spring would finally come, and there was Ronnie thinking Scotland permanently lived under a never-ending winter. The big worry now, was whether she would stay to see it.

Liam answered with a barely registered grumble.

“Liam, it’s me. Can I borrow the cottage for a couple of days?”

“Aye-up, this must be serious if you want to borrow the 'Love Cottage'.”

I chuckled, and the easing of the tightening in my gut helped me breathe. “Well, can I?”

“Who’s going to have the boys?”