Page 85 of When We Are Old

Oooh. Hot. I shrugged out of my coat and fanned at my face with a cardboard leaflet advertising the cakes on offer.

“Menopause?” Ange smirked and took a sip of her espresso.

“No! How rude. I’m the same age as you.”

“But look how wornout you are by life. I have to say you’re looking exhausted right now. You and Matthew not sleeping well?” Her lips curled into a devilish smile.

“Fine, thank you.” I kicked her in the shin.

Laughing, she settled back. “So how is domestic bliss? My goddaughter told me you are here for a week. Thanks for the heads up.”

“I’m sorry, Ange.” The barista waved at me and I welcomed the chance to break the tension and get the cups. I spent some time picking up sugar sachets. “It was all a bit last minute. Fred asked for more responsibility at work, and it was the school holiday, so it just seemed the right time to introduce Hannah to Matthew’s family.”

Hannah rolled her eyes. “What?” I asked. “You’ve liked seeing them, haven’t you?”

“Yes. I’m ready to go home though. Ana wants to go shopping. There’s this crop top in New Look she wants to get before they sell out. She says it looks like something Billie Eilish would wear, so we could team it with our chunky Fila.”

“I don't understand half of what you're saying.”

Hannah lifted her foot and pointed to her trainers. “Fila.”

“Oh, yeah. And what else.”

Another eye roll. “I can’t be bothered to repeat myself.”

That’s my line. She stole it.

“I know what you mean, darling.” Ange patted her hand. “Billie Eilish sings that naughty song about blow jobs.”

“Angela!” I nearly dropped my cup of coffee everywhere.

Hannah’s lips tightened but then she turned wide and innocent eyes in my direction. “What’s a blow job, Mum?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing. And I don’t want to talk about it over coffee.” I gulped down my hot drink—actually not that hot. “Right, come on, we’ve got to get back.”

“Ah, but we’ve only just seen Ange.”

“If you hadn’t spent so long deciding your foundation tone, we would have been here quicker.

Ange waved us away. “Don’t worry, I’ve to get back to work.”

“It’s four?” I shot her a glance, but she grinned.

“Didn’t say I was going to be working.”

Shaking my head, I stood from the chair. Things were awkward and I hated it, but at the same time I couldn’t ignore the vast stretch of years that could have been so different. “Ange.” She stood and we stared at one another. I didn’t want to be the one healing bridges, my loyalty to Matthew and what she’d done was too strong, but when I looked at her, she was still my best friend. The one who’d stood by my side while I was in labour, while I dealt with the death of my husband.

“I know, I know; you’ve got to run back to your boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend? Aren’t we too old for labels like that?”

Hannah rustled her backpack containing fifty pounds worth of bribery.

Ange shrugged, but I could have sworn I saw her eyes glisten with tears. “Just remember who’s the best bridesmaid you know.”

“Oh God, no. Don’t be silly. We are a long way from that.”

Were we though…? He’d just asked me to stay forever. I couldn’t lie. It wasn’t the worst idea I’d ever heard, even if it seemed impossible. The prospect of waking up every day with Matthew set my soul on fire.