Page 47 of When We Are Old

I met Ange’s eye and her skin paled from cream to alabaster.

Ignoring Hannah’s snivelling, I rapped on the bathroom door. “Annabelle, love, it’s Ronnie, Hannah’s mum. Can you open the door?”

My mental image conjured a barrage of bloody and desperate visual assaults. Fuck. “Okay.” I said to no one in particular when she didn’t answer my third call and loud knock on the door. “What has she actually drunk?”

Hannah stared at the floor.

“Han, I’m not telling you off right now, although I assure you we will be having a conversation. But I need to know. Are we taking a couple of alcopops or something more?”

“Vo—” She coughed to hide her words.

“Vodka?” My head swam a little as the blood drained out of my face. I’d be in Jewson, the Headmaster’s office, first thing Monday being hauled over coals—they’d be blistering hot.

“Matthew,” I hollered down the stairs. Despite the circumstances, my heart gave a somersault at the fact I got to shout his name anywhere at all.

One of the girls clustered near the bathroom door gave a jump and then snivelled. I didn’t recognise her, but that wasn’t saying much. Hannah never brought people home.

“Ange, could you take everyone downstairs and get them all some water and food?”

Hannah started to sob.

“Yes?” Matthew’s dark head popped around the bottom of the stairs.

“Can you bring up a spoon? We need this door open.”

The sound of a kitchen drawer opening and shutting filled the oppressive silence. Somewhere, Ma’s room maybe, a clock ticked. Tick, tock. Moving time onwards, pushing us from one moment into the next.

Ange hustled the huddle of drunk teenagers down the stairs.

The important thing right now was to not over-think anything.

Matthew sprung up the stairs, passing me the spoon, and I used the trick I’d utilised more times then I’d like to admit over the last few years to slide the spoon down the mechanism of the lock and manually twist it open.

Getting a new lock on the door after the first time Hannah locked herself in there was a blessing.

I held my breath. Please don’t let her have done something stupid.

In my head stupid was a long list of bloody images. Dark thoughts I’d danced with before.

Matthew rubbed my back, that small gesture he’d always made to spur me on, give me strength. Fuck, I’d missed that. I stood up straighter and pushed at the door, breathing a full sigh of relief

Annabelle curled in a ball on the tiled floor, her hair splayed to one side. After first checking for sick, blood, and discarded razor blades—active and very realistic imagination here—I crouched at her side. “Annabelle?”

“She likes to be called Ana, Mum.”

I glanced back at Hannah who was swiping her hands across her face, then my heart stopped. Knock me over, lay me flat out on the floor, I held my breath as Matthew lifted his hand and rubbed it against her back.

I waited for the pushback. Waited for the shrug, the swipe of the forearm that carved space quicker than the swipe of a Samurai sword. She shivered though and then curled into his chest. I met his gaze, my heart pumping hard. His eyes were wide, his face an open painting of shock splashed with bold strokes.

My heart wanted to cave and soar all at once.

“Ana, it’s Ronnie.” I forced my attention away from Hannah and Matthew. “I think she’s just asleep.” I touched her face, feeling her temperature. My medical knowledge was based solely on watching Emergency 999 shows with Ma. “I don’t think she’s unconscious. Her temperature seems okay. Let’s get her into bed.”

“Here.” Gently, Matthew separated Hannah from where she used him like a giant cotton covered wall and leant down to sweep up Annabelle from the floor. We all sighed a collective murmur of relief when she opened her eyes and gurgled unconnected words before falling back to sleep.

“Thank fuck.” I bent low and clasped my knees. “Imagine if we had to take her to hospital.” Straightening, I met Hannah’s terrified gaze. “You okay to sleep in with her? You’ll have to keep the door open just in case she takes a turn?”

“Mum, I’m so sorry. All these people, they just turned up.”